Memories. The sound of motor cycles, lawn mowers, and birds chirping in my childhood. Wow, so many run through my mind where do I begin to shine the light. Oh God I guess I can start with careers in Orlando, Florida as a princess in costume, or a costume designer in Hollywood dreams and memories of derams dreams I meant. Whatever. Where was I , well little things that go a long way are the memories of the BBQ pulled pork on a hot summer day in a dumpy restaurant so romantic and short lived moments. Rediscover God in that.
Choices of so many wonderful relationships its been painful as hell, and job or career choices or the choice to convince yourself that your choices are right and paradise. Wow too overwhelming so lets think then about the stretches of smiles visions of laughter from younger years and all sudden understandings that slipped away. All those grilled chickens are very good memories of dinners I ate in living in Chicago and salmon.
Oh God I am totally avoiding my strongest most loved memories and I don't know why. Those memories that linger to a love song or a movie type of memory. Noticing the logic keeps those weird stares away and the mind settled. Memories of first loves, first kisses, and first heart breaks are the kind of memories Lord that have manifested all over my world. Dreams of forever growing together not apart from dreams changed by memories that effect choices needed by the fast inconsistency of love.
Whatever ok here are those unwanted forever manifested memories of you and I:..........skip it. Forget them I can't get them out in the open. I've learned to manage the chaos of your memories best through counsel with trusted friends. All those ice cream cones and dates that long gone faster than the twinkle of an eye. Its painful to think of the freedom of a bird. All I've quit, and kept only to be shipped off from mistakes such as my job at Crunch when it went bankrupt, and by routine I up and left to get another job instead of getting a fitness license to train or pleaded and begged to stay or something. It was a nice location, fun environment, and the neighborhood was cool.
Memories utterly painful completely. Memories of innocence and bliss. Memories that pour in and flood your mind. Paralyzing memories of joy and sorrow come and go all day long to lift you through the day or year. I remember the first time I fell in an ice pond, and the first snow ball thrown at me. In my room on Southmoor Ave. where I grew up, the green carpet in my bedroom and the sunflowers painted on the wall with a black background. The pool, and the park.
Phone calls to close and estranged relationships.
Watermelon, frozen pizzas, and Burger King are memories from high school afternoons in front of the television instead of joining a sports team or talent show. Journaling. Then there is smoking cigarettes which was a bad memory. Mad Max 1 and 2, Mel Gibson movies. Good memories. My dad recorded them for me and that was a big deal. Aunt Cecilias sweaty babies which were little Vienna sausage weenies wrapped in a biscuit and baked in the oven. Writing letters to Angela in Houston, Tx and Lisa my primas. I can't forget before cable,internet,cell phones, or underage stuff, there were those long telephone conversations with Eric, and vacations to MGM Studios Cslifornia, and Florida. Sighting the ocean, and the red woods.
. There was the smells in the summer air of flowers and warm wind on the sunny days. There was the long runs and bike rides to the park and the womens magazines that I remember, then the journals and the finger paintings I kept that my dad saved in the basement. Then there is the times when I would blast music loud and run on the treadmill in my basement while doing laundry. There was the first time I lifted a dumbbell to lose weight. I thought it was a man's thing. I thought I'd bulk up into a body builder. Gross right? Man, we've come a long way in fitness trial and errors, teche ology, and education in my family and we still seek God's love in our memories.
All the times I locked my keys in cars, and at home. I even have a memory of a car crash that left a metal plate in my head, and then three more car crashes after that that thank God insurance covered. It was scary to have that air bag blow out on you while rear ending three cars. I remember all those pumpkin pie blizzards and French fries I downed. In my teens we had a trampoline and a basketball court.
In my twenties I spent my early twenties in Bloomington, IN at Indiana University studying business management. This is a time I blocked out to move on in a new life with new people it was not worth blocking out that's when I learned this is a small world. Every Christmas I think of my grandma Norberta, she used VO5 shampoo, and had gold rings and a beautiful face. She watched us all through our teenage years. I think she is still with me even after she passed away in 2005. I feel her in the song bird on wire by the Neville Brothers.
I learned what crocodile tears are when I cried after Greg Carney left to Arizona, a broker I worked with in Chicago. And the dread of leaving Ravenswood, Il, and Wisconsin memories of Lake Geneva with Alex Jack. Remembering jumping into the lake or catching fire flies. The sweet chocolate in a Christmas tin from grandma who passed away.
Coming home so late in age who can forget, who can ever want to go home. How many times did i fall head over heals again and again. I rediscovered God this year 2017 as He shares with me new memories everyday to bring into the light. Stopping randomly in bars and restaurants where my life stood still with mom, and or dad.
God's love is clearly iny memories by helping me to learn from mistakes, and to make better choices for myself. Rediscovering His love this Christmas in my memories has taken the mundane cynical people dull to the senses out of my life. And has taken the negative pessimists out too.
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