Out of all the keys lost, locked out of the house and car, and yearly bills of parking tickets in the past 8years would drive anyone to wonder. All the rest of the years before that of running out of gas, teen car crashes, and class fees for cancellation along with the many other character defects of one young woman.
Leaving the light on in the car for the battery to drain or locking keys in the house or car are wonders of things happened to one young woman.
Young Woman
Locking the boyfriend out of his own apartment twice in one week was a chance to take a huge step back that I took. Then the car broke down and two of the three jobs required a car so I was out of work and volunteering for a apartment rental agency in the city. I didn't do any foot work and the weather was even warm for December and instead stayed put at my parents house applying for jobs online with one call back from an insurance agency in Des Plaines, IL. Since I did not take initiative to set up an interview a week in advance or call the hiring manager to show my interest in the position I applied to on a career search engine promptly I did not get the job.
I feared the job would be to far after applying and that since my car broke down that I should just wait until after the holidays to respond to the other jobs closer such as the bakery job in St. John IN, and several other retail positions. I applied to many other positions of interest during my week at home in Highland, IN to Chicago agencies of travel sales and retail, and aspiring modeling advertisements.
I learned that 2 out of the 10 travel agencies that I called to apply for asked that I call back in January. The other travel agencies were not hiring at all and mentioned that the office was too small. Three days before Christmas I went to some fast food chain and just as a dozen other retail franchises I had been keeping in contact with to get hired and work for they were hitting their slow season where all the college students were home and wouldn't be hiring until March.
I have been hearing this beat of the drum of retail stores hiring and not hiring for a handful of years. I would think I would have listened harder but instead kept slipping in the cracks of the hiring process to the point that I was beginning to believe that my boyfriend was right all along. He told me that I was not trying hard enough and lazy. From all the advice from my parents, friends, and career advisers, confusion and discouragement were not far off.
The pressure was up to my neck and I began to feel like Frodo Baggins with the ring in his pocket. I didn't want to lose my way and began to focus on my nutrition while waiting to let the holidays pass. After locking my keys in my car and my boyfriends car in one week, and once with the car running, I new the holidays were rolling in as I wanted to run off to the gym and bank get coffee just like my regular routine of the weekend; yet it was my boyfriends families Christmas weekend and I was strong willed and feisty.
After my boyfriend called the lock smith and paid 215 dollars to open his car up with the engine running, and after he had to pick up my car keys the week before at the car wash stop on his way back from work, and after I locked him out of his apartment twice on his way home from work the week after that and sent him driving over 3 hours to Indiana to pick up his keys did I realize to go with him to pick up his grandmas cupcakes, and stop to buy what gift ideas were left at the last minute.
We ended up forgetting to buy his aunts car toy gifts as we do every year. And my eyes were swollen red from crying that whole morning as I put off my routine of errands. The weekend rolled smoothly as we entered the state of Wisconsin to his grandmas. As for the aspiring model agencies just as everything else on my plate, I'm taking small bites and chewing very slowly with caution, determination, and diligence. I don't think that makes sense but it felt right to acknowledge.
I am sorry for the car tickets, lost, misplaced, forgotten, and locked in keys and the expense of my mistakes. If I had advise today 12/26/11 before the new year it would be to change. Change. Change.
Right now the frustration is high with my friends and family as they count on me to change. I will make a change.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Youth at Work IV
The cinema in Skokie was the place for youth to go on the weekends for a movie, to get together with friends, their kids, and dates. In the summer it was cool inside and in the winter it was warm inside. The cinema, a place of entertainment brought youth from all over town to play the arcade, eat popcorn, pizza, or just watch a two hour movie on a big screen. Who wouldn't want to work somewhere like this? And this is where I came to work when the cold season brought the summer and fall yachts in off of Lake Michigan for the winter at Navy Pier.
I greeted customers, sold food and soda from behind the counter for hundreds of Harry Potter fans. It was me, Tracy, Faith, and Hilary who who went from bath room to bath room filling toilet paper rolls, paper towels, and soap by the hour. We mopped the floors and cleaned up the sinks usually layered in make up, popcorn, and hair. Only in their teens most of the film crew staff I worked with would talk about partying, boozing, their boyfriends, parents, and their first day of their freshmen year in college.
During film crew meetings in the mornings once a month some of the staff would throw up in their seats from late night partying. Our managers were at their best since all of the cinema employees would be transferring in the next year to other cinemas. Greeting customers standing on my two feet for over six hours to direct which way the movie was playing wasn't easy. I would drink my coffee and eat some candy at my station, and tell the patrons that outside food and beverages were not allowed. Then I would announce the food combo of the day and direct them to the food counters.
Abbey who was one of the managers with cheerful, sober, and kind eyes always put me at ease during the slow and busy times. Breaks were twenty minutes usually and I was getting tired of eating nachos and hot dogs so I begin buying health bars and protein serums at the grocery store down the street. Agnes one of the other managers of the ticket booth was in her early twenties who just moved in with her boyfriend and had the best humor about it. She was busy mostly after work studying to graduate with her degree in nursing. She always had a nice outfit on with solid pastel colors, her long pony tail, cardigans, and upbeat attitude toward the workers who had a harder time than most finding things to do when everything was done.
Karen a tall and young single mother came in later as a manager, she was tall, with pale skin and brown hair. She laughed a lot and liked to point when she gave orders to clean the theaters or bathrooms. I was often left with the dirtiest bathroom clean up job being the newest of the film crew kids. I did my best on the job just to hurry up and get back to my apartment. Working at the cinema required 5-6 managers a night on duty. Luke the concession manager watched the money coming in and out from the drawers. He was a young kid with long curly hair down to his shoulders who was usually quiet and pretty relaxed. He would help out if we needed something but unlike Kashal or Denise who had to seemingly be giving us all something to do.
I hoped to be a model worker just as much as the rest of the film crew was for me and so I was scrubbing floors, and walls picking up the smallest items off the floor just to keep from getting watched by the managers. Many times we found money on the floor and turned it in right away for the customers who came back all frantic and concerned about dropping their money in the big dark rooms of the theater.
The film crew and I discussed different college majors, and classes. John was studying computer science, Maggie was studying English, and George and Jorge were working another job in the mornings to keep up with their bills. George washed and tuned up cars and Jorge baby sat his brothers and sisters and not getting paid. I met a lot of film crew members who came to work full time at the cinema because they said they couldn't pay for tuition this semester. Everyone was fueled by their dreams, hobbies, and friends and helping each other out with rides, and paying rent. Michael who was close to Josh and one of the other senior managers was shy and timid. I learned he loved to write science fiction stories and was taking film classes.
Faith a pretty blue eyed 18 year old, one of the crew members who had been at the cinema for five years usually brought in her toddler to see movies in between her shifts. She would call me to work for her and would return the favor. Faith was a quiet and calm cashier at the concession stand and I was often amazed to see her patience and stillness standing behind her assigned register for hours. This took experience and practice and she had been there for five years. When another crew member Shelby had her baby,I gave her 50 dollars for a baby shower gift, and her boyfriend who was a hard worker at the cinema usually stayed until closing time at 3a.m. to support their new born baby. He told me about his record productions and that he traveled to perform with his music band from town to town. I gave the pregnant Shelby rides to her grandmas sometimes when she got off her shift and shared my stories about my mother and I.
Joey and Nake usually called me to come hang out in Chinatown but it was usually too late and I was too tired. They would share their stories with me usually the following weekend at the cinema while we popped popcorn and stocked the nachos. Joey was very tall with long hair, and big glasses. He was confident and poised. Nake was a little girl who told me about her BBQ's at 8am in the morning since she worked so late at the Cinema. I didn't get the joke until later. She also took care of her daughter and was saving for college while she boyfriend was studying to become a doctor.
Nadem who spotted me in the upstairs film room looking for a job at the cinema my first day was a manager with a bad heart condition and he when he hired me I was glad to be working with this sparkplug of a kid. He worked around the clock at the cinema, well dressed in uniform, stood up straight, and never took his eyes off his work. I enjoyed watching the team work, the different personalities, goals, dreams, and I learned how much courage and strength the youth of our day contains. The film crew staff was large. And in the summer when kids were coming back from college for a break new faces joined us.
Holly who dyed her hair a lot from platinum to dark brown to red sometimes was usually downcast and slouched over carrying her broom and dust pan. She often told me about her mother who drank too much and the troubles it brought on her. Holly also drank and would have bruises or scratches on her arms. She mostly kept quiet about where they she got them. When David turned 21 years of age he couldn't wait to go out that night and party. Concerned I gave him the best advise I could knowing it wasn't what he wanted to hear but he listened and that's all that matters. Usually around midnight I was getting fretful, my feet were sore, and it was hard for me to focus on what I had to finish up on since I was distracted by the time. Sharon didn't want me to leave because she had a lot to clean up and since Luke was about to let me go when I asked, she became angry and cussed up a storm. She reminded me of myself. I finished up my night and ignored her and clocked out. Afterall, I had to drive over an hour back to my apartment. The next week I apologized to the short dark haired clear skin girl with glasses named Sharon for that night she was left to finish cleaning the popcorn bins herself. She looked like she didn't even recall the occasion and like bringing it up again might have been something she didn't want to remember.
Nevertheless, working at the cinema for 12 months taught me experiences working with youth that have given me a lot relationship at the work place solutions that I didn't have before. The young film crew reminded me of myself when I was their age, and we had fun bowling after work, watching movies together afterwork, and working toward the same goals on the job to get the ticket and popcorn lines moving with gratitude, and the serving attitude.
I greeted customers, sold food and soda from behind the counter for hundreds of Harry Potter fans. It was me, Tracy, Faith, and Hilary who who went from bath room to bath room filling toilet paper rolls, paper towels, and soap by the hour. We mopped the floors and cleaned up the sinks usually layered in make up, popcorn, and hair. Only in their teens most of the film crew staff I worked with would talk about partying, boozing, their boyfriends, parents, and their first day of their freshmen year in college.
During film crew meetings in the mornings once a month some of the staff would throw up in their seats from late night partying. Our managers were at their best since all of the cinema employees would be transferring in the next year to other cinemas. Greeting customers standing on my two feet for over six hours to direct which way the movie was playing wasn't easy. I would drink my coffee and eat some candy at my station, and tell the patrons that outside food and beverages were not allowed. Then I would announce the food combo of the day and direct them to the food counters.
Abbey who was one of the managers with cheerful, sober, and kind eyes always put me at ease during the slow and busy times. Breaks were twenty minutes usually and I was getting tired of eating nachos and hot dogs so I begin buying health bars and protein serums at the grocery store down the street. Agnes one of the other managers of the ticket booth was in her early twenties who just moved in with her boyfriend and had the best humor about it. She was busy mostly after work studying to graduate with her degree in nursing. She always had a nice outfit on with solid pastel colors, her long pony tail, cardigans, and upbeat attitude toward the workers who had a harder time than most finding things to do when everything was done.
Karen a tall and young single mother came in later as a manager, she was tall, with pale skin and brown hair. She laughed a lot and liked to point when she gave orders to clean the theaters or bathrooms. I was often left with the dirtiest bathroom clean up job being the newest of the film crew kids. I did my best on the job just to hurry up and get back to my apartment. Working at the cinema required 5-6 managers a night on duty. Luke the concession manager watched the money coming in and out from the drawers. He was a young kid with long curly hair down to his shoulders who was usually quiet and pretty relaxed. He would help out if we needed something but unlike Kashal or Denise who had to seemingly be giving us all something to do.
I hoped to be a model worker just as much as the rest of the film crew was for me and so I was scrubbing floors, and walls picking up the smallest items off the floor just to keep from getting watched by the managers. Many times we found money on the floor and turned it in right away for the customers who came back all frantic and concerned about dropping their money in the big dark rooms of the theater.
The film crew and I discussed different college majors, and classes. John was studying computer science, Maggie was studying English, and George and Jorge were working another job in the mornings to keep up with their bills. George washed and tuned up cars and Jorge baby sat his brothers and sisters and not getting paid. I met a lot of film crew members who came to work full time at the cinema because they said they couldn't pay for tuition this semester. Everyone was fueled by their dreams, hobbies, and friends and helping each other out with rides, and paying rent. Michael who was close to Josh and one of the other senior managers was shy and timid. I learned he loved to write science fiction stories and was taking film classes.
Faith a pretty blue eyed 18 year old, one of the crew members who had been at the cinema for five years usually brought in her toddler to see movies in between her shifts. She would call me to work for her and would return the favor. Faith was a quiet and calm cashier at the concession stand and I was often amazed to see her patience and stillness standing behind her assigned register for hours. This took experience and practice and she had been there for five years. When another crew member Shelby had her baby,I gave her 50 dollars for a baby shower gift, and her boyfriend who was a hard worker at the cinema usually stayed until closing time at 3a.m. to support their new born baby. He told me about his record productions and that he traveled to perform with his music band from town to town. I gave the pregnant Shelby rides to her grandmas sometimes when she got off her shift and shared my stories about my mother and I.
Joey and Nake usually called me to come hang out in Chinatown but it was usually too late and I was too tired. They would share their stories with me usually the following weekend at the cinema while we popped popcorn and stocked the nachos. Joey was very tall with long hair, and big glasses. He was confident and poised. Nake was a little girl who told me about her BBQ's at 8am in the morning since she worked so late at the Cinema. I didn't get the joke until later. She also took care of her daughter and was saving for college while she boyfriend was studying to become a doctor.
Nadem who spotted me in the upstairs film room looking for a job at the cinema my first day was a manager with a bad heart condition and he when he hired me I was glad to be working with this sparkplug of a kid. He worked around the clock at the cinema, well dressed in uniform, stood up straight, and never took his eyes off his work. I enjoyed watching the team work, the different personalities, goals, dreams, and I learned how much courage and strength the youth of our day contains. The film crew staff was large. And in the summer when kids were coming back from college for a break new faces joined us.
Holly who dyed her hair a lot from platinum to dark brown to red sometimes was usually downcast and slouched over carrying her broom and dust pan. She often told me about her mother who drank too much and the troubles it brought on her. Holly also drank and would have bruises or scratches on her arms. She mostly kept quiet about where they she got them. When David turned 21 years of age he couldn't wait to go out that night and party. Concerned I gave him the best advise I could knowing it wasn't what he wanted to hear but he listened and that's all that matters. Usually around midnight I was getting fretful, my feet were sore, and it was hard for me to focus on what I had to finish up on since I was distracted by the time. Sharon didn't want me to leave because she had a lot to clean up and since Luke was about to let me go when I asked, she became angry and cussed up a storm. She reminded me of myself. I finished up my night and ignored her and clocked out. Afterall, I had to drive over an hour back to my apartment. The next week I apologized to the short dark haired clear skin girl with glasses named Sharon for that night she was left to finish cleaning the popcorn bins herself. She looked like she didn't even recall the occasion and like bringing it up again might have been something she didn't want to remember.
Nevertheless, working at the cinema for 12 months taught me experiences working with youth that have given me a lot relationship at the work place solutions that I didn't have before. The young film crew reminded me of myself when I was their age, and we had fun bowling after work, watching movies together afterwork, and working toward the same goals on the job to get the ticket and popcorn lines moving with gratitude, and the serving attitude.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Youth at Work III
College brought a wide change in my scope of perceptions of how people run businesses, ethics in the work place, and the vast economical influences of customer service. After my internship ended in 2004 at a non profit youth job center in the loop, I learned the values of society, family, community, and work experience. Providing mock interviews for youth ages 18-24 in 2003 showed me the talent, skills, and potential of the young work force.
The internship was only 6 months and as my hopes for another position with the agency, there wasn't anything available at the time and I learned in a letter of reference that I needed more work experience and that the agency was leaving me with a positive reference acknowledging my sincerity. There was Harold the pipe fitter who took a radiant picture with safety goggles on and mad front cover that summer of one of the agencies news letters. Here hundreds of youths coming in for entry level positions and I was able to experience watching them critique their resumes, cover letters, interview skills, and all the proper adjustments of getting the job in this countries unstable economy.
I was only 23 and learning about the workforce in Chicago. The youth were applying for entry level positions with retail, construction, industrial, and many other service and trade positions. The internship pushed up a career path that I would have never imagined. In 2009, after tedious research on resume building, cover letter writing, patterns of job application requirements, a dozen interviews after submitting a hundred or more applications and resumes via email, fax machine, and mail, I still had a lot to learn and work on in my career field of choice. To fill in the gaps of my resume I worked with make up sales and other pyramid companies doing foot work.
Networking with youths, my university, co-workers, friends, family, and colleagues is an on-going experience of growth and with all the fast changes taking place daily, career building is a job worth the rewards. After another company closed, I was using the internet job search engines, spending a few hours a day in the libraries, and talking to my family about my next career step. I stayed in touch with the temporary agencies and worked one day to six month projects as office fill-in, floater, and greeter for ceremonial events.
I stayed in touch with Tilda in Germany who studied accounting, as well as her sister Fiori They were gorgeous friends with Albanian features and beauty. Its been ten years since I've seen them in person, but we see each other on social networks. It really isn't the same at all of course. Then there is Salma from Turkey who studied financial planning. She taught me about marriage in her culture, the ceremonial procedures from the delicacy of colors in the dresses to the sacred rituals of her family and the grooms. I remember her clear as day, her jet black hair, radiant passion for her family and fiance to be. She was very lively and we giggled a lot together on campus when she drove me around to classes sometimes.
My friend Jen who graduated high school with me from the same high school a year later met me over on campus to study Special Education. Today she is married and has one daughter. She lives a few hours from Chicago and I have not visited her in 9 years although we catch up with friends and family matters every Christmas. I learned a lot being away from home on campus 9 years ago and see that I've carried much of my actions to things there today. I surround myself with books, notebooks, college goers, colleagues, and university alumni news to keep up with what was and what is today with the changes in things such as tuition, and campus career development directions.
Lastly, College brought a wide change in my scope of perceptions of how people run businesses, ethics in the work place, and the vast economical influences of customer service. After my internship ended in 2004 at a non profit youth job center in the loop, I learned the values of society, family, community, and work experience. Providing mock interviews for youth ages 18-24 in 2003 showed me the talent, skills, and potential of the young work force.
The internship was only 6 months and as my hopes for another position with the agency, there wasn't anything available at the time and I learned in a letter of reference that I needed more work experience and that the agency was leaving me with a positive reference acknowledging my sincerity. There was Harold the pipe fitter who took a radiant picture with safety goggles on and mad front cover that summer of one of the agencies news letters. Here hundreds of youths coming in for entry level positions and I was able to experience watching them critique their resumes, cover letters, interview skills, and all the proper adjustments of getting the job in this countries unstable economy.
I was only 23 and learning about the workforce in Chicago. The youth were applying for entry level positions with retail, construction, industrial, and many other service and trade positions. The internship pushed up a career path that I would have never imagined. In 2009, after tedious research on resume building, cover letter writing, patterns of job application requirements, a dozen interviews after submitting a hundred or more applications and resumes via email, fax machine, and mail, I still had a lot to learn and work on in my career field of choice. To fill in the gaps of my resume I worked with make up sales and other pyramid companies doing foot work.
Networking with youths, my university, co-workers, friends, family, and colleagues is an on-going experience of growth and with all the fast changes taking place daily, career building is a job worth the rewards. After another company closed, I was using the internet job search engines, spending a few hours a day in the libraries, and talking to my family about my next career step. I stayed in touch with the temporary agencies and worked one day to six month projects as office fill-in, floater, and greeter for ceremonial events.
I stayed in touch with Tilda in Germany who studied accounting, as well as her sister Fiori They were gorgeous friends with Albanian features and beauty. Its been ten years since I've seen them in person, but we see each other on social networks. It really isn't the same at all of course. Then there is Salma from Turkey who studied financial planning. She taught me about marriage in her culture, the ceremonial procedures from the delicacy of colors in the dresses to the sacred rituals of her family and the grooms. I remember her clear as day, her jet black hair, radiant passion for her family and fiance to be. She was very lively and we giggled a lot together on campus when she drove me around to classes sometimes.
My friend Jen who graduated high school with me from the same high school a year later met me over on campus to study Special Education. Today she is married and has one daughter. She lives a few hours from Chicago and I have not visited her in 9 years although we catch up with friends and family matters every Christmas. I learned a lot being away from home on campus 9 years ago and see that I've carried much of my actions to things there today. I surround myself with books, notebooks, college goers, colleagues, and university alumni news to keep up with what was and what is today with the changes in things such as tuition, and campus career development directions.
Lastly, College brought a wide change in my scope of perceptions of how people run businesses, ethics in the work place, and the vast economical influences of customer service. After my internship ended in 2004 at a non profit youth job center in the loop, I learned the values of society, family, community, and work experience. Providing mock interviews for youth ages 18-24 in 2003 showed me the talent, skills, and potential of the young work force.
Youth at Work II
In the summer of 2006, after a seven day trip to Napa Valley with my parents and sister, the arcade in my home town of Highland, Indiana was just a few weeks from being closed. It was still scorching hot in September and every one was finishing the last few weeks before fall arrived on Navy Pier, Chicago with short shorts and flip flops.
My long time friend Sara new the bartender manager on the event yachts and I went to talk with him about a bar tending job. I had little experience bar tending with another special event bar tender that I got the job from him through networking with family but I got the position on the yachts and would work serving drinks on the 3 hour party cruise yachts for weddings, business parties, and holidays.
The crew had been working on the yachts for over five years together and most of them were roommates. They all were off for the summer from classes, and I found little interest in talking about school or hobbies, sports, or career plans since was summer break and the tourists that filled the city were all over with questions for us about food, sight seeing, and theater. The drivers of the yachts were dressed in uniform and the the rest of us wore khaki shorts and navy blue polo.
The crew had fun, they were enthusiastic to set out on the water, and entertain guests from 75-300 a party. Sometimes there was a rock group below deck, and I enjoyed taking the river route in between the Chicago Loops high rises. I served everything from 5 dollar bottled waters to 7 dollar Sea Breezes. After the party ended around 12am and docked back at Navy Pier the crew would go to have drinks, shots, or food. Every weekend I found new things to do during the nightlife like concerts, playing pool, and or staying on the Navy Pier just to look at the beautiful view of the city.
The colorful clash of vibrant culture filled the pier with British and Irish youths working temporarily and then going back to study in their countries. And even today I still think that is a cool and great idea for youth to explore and experience other parts of the world in between studying courses to learn to work with people, and experience the field students are studying from mentors or hands on experience when they get the chance.
My long time friend Sara new the bartender manager on the event yachts and I went to talk with him about a bar tending job. I had little experience bar tending with another special event bar tender that I got the job from him through networking with family but I got the position on the yachts and would work serving drinks on the 3 hour party cruise yachts for weddings, business parties, and holidays.
The crew had been working on the yachts for over five years together and most of them were roommates. They all were off for the summer from classes, and I found little interest in talking about school or hobbies, sports, or career plans since was summer break and the tourists that filled the city were all over with questions for us about food, sight seeing, and theater. The drivers of the yachts were dressed in uniform and the the rest of us wore khaki shorts and navy blue polo.
The crew had fun, they were enthusiastic to set out on the water, and entertain guests from 75-300 a party. Sometimes there was a rock group below deck, and I enjoyed taking the river route in between the Chicago Loops high rises. I served everything from 5 dollar bottled waters to 7 dollar Sea Breezes. After the party ended around 12am and docked back at Navy Pier the crew would go to have drinks, shots, or food. Every weekend I found new things to do during the nightlife like concerts, playing pool, and or staying on the Navy Pier just to look at the beautiful view of the city.
The colorful clash of vibrant culture filled the pier with British and Irish youths working temporarily and then going back to study in their countries. And even today I still think that is a cool and great idea for youth to explore and experience other parts of the world in between studying courses to learn to work with people, and experience the field students are studying from mentors or hands on experience when they get the chance.
Youth at Work
Many youth today that I spoke with in the past five years are solid and smart individuals with colorful character traits. After spending my early twenties moving quickly in and out of career books, guides, and counselors I have found many of my answers right from the heart of working side by side youth. In 2004-5 I worked at Schererville, IN game room where birthday parties where held for toddlers and young teens.
Many arcade games and prizes were available lighting up the center where I worked behind the glass counter of the ticket counter. As the youth around me collected their prizes with tickets and parents hustled about keeping an eye on the youngest of their groups, I was happy to climb and reach up for the prizes on the shelves and all the trinkets and candy prizes in the glass case under me. It was fun to see their little faces full of excitement with smiles stretched to their ears.
The staff with me were around my age 21-25, and I was 24 years of age. The maturity of the staff as they told me about their classes, sports teams, and motherhood experiences showed me the responsibility and bright future for them all in these fast changing times. I felt comfortable to talk about my interests in journal writing/creative short story writing with Luke who was my supervisor.
He walked into the arcade to start work at the same time every day, with the same confident walk with his eyes straight ahead, and his hooded jacket with the long hair on one side only. He gave direction with assertiveness and talked about his new born daughter, his interests in becoming a writer, and what glee he found in the changes of becoming a father. John and his sister who worked on Wednesdays together with me were very adorable with their youthful curiosity for their classes and talents always wanting to know more.
John played the violin, and his sister played the flute. Every Wednesday they came from band practice to work the night shift at the arcade. I continued to write down everything in my journal of my day at the arcade. John and his sister, twins, hung around stayed close to the supervisors most of the time while Kyle the very tall athletic kid with the serious face that rarely smiled paced back and forth sweeping and helping keep the tickets filled in the games. The mornings were quiet and cold from the long winter nights in northwest Indiana and it took time to get the heat up and running. Bill the maintenance guy there was the only one who was with me. He usually chained smoked in the tool room and tuned up all the games before each day. Bill used to work at the casino in Atlantic City on the Boardwalk for ten years before he started at the arcade. When he retired he moved to Indiana from Atlantic City with his wife.
I ate pizza, and candy most of the time and wiped the finger prints from the games each hour. The lights were bright and made the place hot. I enjoyed climbing the rock wall. It was a smaller version than you would find at your local sports retail store. The youths around me who were mostly still in high school or just starting college were bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to jump when you told them how high.
"I know one man of really brilliant parts who has not
the ability to manage a business of his own, and yet
who is absolutely worthless to any one else, because
he carries with him constantly the insane suspicion
that his employer is oppressing, or intending to
oppress him. He cannot give orders; and he will not
receive them. Should a message be given him to take
to Garcia, his answer would probably be, "Take it
yourself." Message to Garcia by Elbert Hubbard.
They were keen, loyal, honest, and hard-working with homework and their parents on their minds.
I enjoyed working with them and serving the teens from behind the counter while catching the pool tournaments on the television on the wall that summer and fall season. I'll never forget as it closed down the beaming glow in young Denise's eyes as she was getting ready to marry her best friend, and the group pictures of the staff at after work parties on the cork board above the cash box. My manager Mark moved to another state where he owned another arcade and took his family with him. I was thankful and delighted to have him as a reference for my next career experience in hospitality.
Many arcade games and prizes were available lighting up the center where I worked behind the glass counter of the ticket counter. As the youth around me collected their prizes with tickets and parents hustled about keeping an eye on the youngest of their groups, I was happy to climb and reach up for the prizes on the shelves and all the trinkets and candy prizes in the glass case under me. It was fun to see their little faces full of excitement with smiles stretched to their ears.
The staff with me were around my age 21-25, and I was 24 years of age. The maturity of the staff as they told me about their classes, sports teams, and motherhood experiences showed me the responsibility and bright future for them all in these fast changing times. I felt comfortable to talk about my interests in journal writing/creative short story writing with Luke who was my supervisor.
He walked into the arcade to start work at the same time every day, with the same confident walk with his eyes straight ahead, and his hooded jacket with the long hair on one side only. He gave direction with assertiveness and talked about his new born daughter, his interests in becoming a writer, and what glee he found in the changes of becoming a father. John and his sister who worked on Wednesdays together with me were very adorable with their youthful curiosity for their classes and talents always wanting to know more.
John played the violin, and his sister played the flute. Every Wednesday they came from band practice to work the night shift at the arcade. I continued to write down everything in my journal of my day at the arcade. John and his sister, twins, hung around stayed close to the supervisors most of the time while Kyle the very tall athletic kid with the serious face that rarely smiled paced back and forth sweeping and helping keep the tickets filled in the games. The mornings were quiet and cold from the long winter nights in northwest Indiana and it took time to get the heat up and running. Bill the maintenance guy there was the only one who was with me. He usually chained smoked in the tool room and tuned up all the games before each day. Bill used to work at the casino in Atlantic City on the Boardwalk for ten years before he started at the arcade. When he retired he moved to Indiana from Atlantic City with his wife.
I ate pizza, and candy most of the time and wiped the finger prints from the games each hour. The lights were bright and made the place hot. I enjoyed climbing the rock wall. It was a smaller version than you would find at your local sports retail store. The youths around me who were mostly still in high school or just starting college were bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to jump when you told them how high.
"I know one man of really brilliant parts who has not
the ability to manage a business of his own, and yet
who is absolutely worthless to any one else, because
he carries with him constantly the insane suspicion
that his employer is oppressing, or intending to
oppress him. He cannot give orders; and he will not
receive them. Should a message be given him to take
to Garcia, his answer would probably be, "Take it
yourself." Message to Garcia by Elbert Hubbard.
They were keen, loyal, honest, and hard-working with homework and their parents on their minds.
I enjoyed working with them and serving the teens from behind the counter while catching the pool tournaments on the television on the wall that summer and fall season. I'll never forget as it closed down the beaming glow in young Denise's eyes as she was getting ready to marry her best friend, and the group pictures of the staff at after work parties on the cork board above the cash box. My manager Mark moved to another state where he owned another arcade and took his family with him. I was thankful and delighted to have him as a reference for my next career experience in hospitality.
Reverse Nachos Recipe
A frying pan and non-stick pan spray.
Directions:
Pour the 2 cups of cheese onto the pan after spraying the non stick spray over the pan. Secondly, do make sure the heat is medium-high. Watch the shredded cheese melt quickly before your eyes and sizzle into a thin layer over the whole pan. Thirdly have a coffee cup to drain the cheese from its oils in and just watch the cheese from dripping into the cup too. (Keep the cheese frying for about 25 minutes or if you like it more crispy add 30 minutes. Continue from all sides of the pan repeatedly draining the oils. Lastly with a spatchula push the cheese from the pan carefully over a dozen tortilla chips to create a bowl shape with the flat cheese shape while its still soft. Then carefully move it under your tortilla chips for a cheese bowl affect.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Sweet Baby Cat by Kathy Reyna
One teaspoon olive oil
1-2 cups Tofu
1 cup Baby carrots
1 green pepper
1 cup Broccoli
Grilled Chicken breast
Poppyseed Dressing
2 table spoons of pepper.
Cut up the tofu in squares, cook on pan. Add veggie mix to tofu. Add pepper and then chicken. Let it warm up to your desire and serve. I added poppyseed dressing for a sweet taste. Put whatever dressing you desire over your recipe or serve it plain.
Al's Acceptance Recipe by Kathy Reyna
Beans
Canned tomato
grilled chicken breast
Celery
Pasta
The beans were brought to a boil by following the instructions on bag of beans. The in another pot a mix of vegetables were simmering. The chicken breast were also brought to a boil in another pot. Throughout three days everything was mixed together. You can add canned or fresh sliced mushrooms, or fresh carrots pre-cut or baby carrots. I added on day two baby spinach and Korean seaweed to my serving. Thats the wonder of this recipe, you can change it up with every serving.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wake Me Up Recipe: brunch By Kathy Reyna
6-8 ice cubes half small jar of Marichino cherry juice
miniture strawberry banana yogurt
4-6 plump and meaty blueberries
a splash of apple cider
a splash of orange juice
a splash of chocolate protein drink
2 tbl spoons of sugar free starwberry jelly
1-2 cups of skim milk
Blend with crush ice button and serve for a delicious frothy taste for a citrus berry blush.
At home salad recipe by Kathy Reyna
1 sliced tomatos
dash of pepper
1 cup of blue cheese crumbles
A nice dinner salad idea by throwing in a mix whatever you have in the fridge as salad worthy. Then I chilled by putting inside the freezer for ten-twenty minutes for that subtle ice frosty crisp taste.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The First Decade After the Millenium
Through the Northwest region of Indiana, during the days and nights of winter, summer, fall, and autumn, Jerry's lessons in relationships turmoil ed her into despair. She felt her dreams of the profound career, marriage, and friendships were slipping through her hands. At dawn she chose to wake, journal her journeys to the east, west, south, and north ends of the world eagerly her suitcases were packed and for months she waited for the day her ship would come and she would sail away far into the oceans and seas.
"Jerry? Are you up?" Called mom.
"What?!!" She cried.
What was the time and age Jerry wondered. Where was that humility she left somewhere in her last relationship down in Bloomington Indiana. Would I ever get it back before my fear of pride and arrogance chokes me to death? She feared to herself. Being home from college, finding work, building new relationships, true love, and marriage plans were growing dim and Jerry colored her nails blue and her lipsticks were black and metalic colors.
She tried to learn guitar, piano, and creative writing but it was no use as she could not shake off her blanket of blues since Kloi, Jen, Rob, Derek, Delana, and many more of her graduating class had sailed their ships off already into the abyss of their lives. Jerry felt herself slipping deeper and deeper into wonders if she had missed her ship, and if she would be able to break from the heavy chains shackled around her ankles she imagined as her hangovers day after day put her dreams further and further away. Trembling and crying through the cold winters of northwest Indiana, Jerry's nail polish was chipped, and her lips were chapped. Her skin grew scaley and dry, and her hair was greasy and the ends brittle as she sat by the phone on the carpet of her bedroom at home.
"Jerry?! Breakfast is ready!" Mom shouted.
"Coming!" Jerry yelled.
Jerry smoked her last cigarette to the filter, and pale skinned and scared of another job or relationship rejection she grew more and more numb and began to feel her first stages of bitterness. When she couldn't remember who to blame anymore for the failures and risks in her life, she had herself to blame, and when she had blamed herself to her last tear and lethary, her comatose state blurred all the phone calls and work she had been taking into account for the past two to three years.
The only comfort she found was in the aroma of sausage, waffles, and eggs from the kitchen downstairs. Self pity stage had swallowed up Jerry's enthusiasm and humor. Her maps and journals began to get stashed away and lost in all her journals and her father would pack up the over piling journals and put them away in the attic and garage storage space. The phone rang.
"Will you marry me?" Asked Harold.
"No, but I'm flattered." Answered Jerry.
Chicago looked promising from the northwest region of Indiana. Summer was coming yet was still far from its first blooming flower. Rain splashed on the busy streets, and the recession was growing worse. The economy had been swallowing itself in larger gulps as the president of the U.S. was being blamed for not caring for the relevant matters of the people. Although jobs at the post offices were being lost in the thousands, other jobs were being opened up for hire. There was hope. Yet the worst was to come.
"Jerry? Are you up?" Called mom.
"What?!!" She cried.
What was the time and age Jerry wondered. Where was that humility she left somewhere in her last relationship down in Bloomington Indiana. Would I ever get it back before my fear of pride and arrogance chokes me to death? She feared to herself. Being home from college, finding work, building new relationships, true love, and marriage plans were growing dim and Jerry colored her nails blue and her lipsticks were black and metalic colors.
She tried to learn guitar, piano, and creative writing but it was no use as she could not shake off her blanket of blues since Kloi, Jen, Rob, Derek, Delana, and many more of her graduating class had sailed their ships off already into the abyss of their lives. Jerry felt herself slipping deeper and deeper into wonders if she had missed her ship, and if she would be able to break from the heavy chains shackled around her ankles she imagined as her hangovers day after day put her dreams further and further away. Trembling and crying through the cold winters of northwest Indiana, Jerry's nail polish was chipped, and her lips were chapped. Her skin grew scaley and dry, and her hair was greasy and the ends brittle as she sat by the phone on the carpet of her bedroom at home.
"Jerry?! Breakfast is ready!" Mom shouted.
"Coming!" Jerry yelled.
Jerry smoked her last cigarette to the filter, and pale skinned and scared of another job or relationship rejection she grew more and more numb and began to feel her first stages of bitterness. When she couldn't remember who to blame anymore for the failures and risks in her life, she had herself to blame, and when she had blamed herself to her last tear and lethary, her comatose state blurred all the phone calls and work she had been taking into account for the past two to three years.
The only comfort she found was in the aroma of sausage, waffles, and eggs from the kitchen downstairs. Self pity stage had swallowed up Jerry's enthusiasm and humor. Her maps and journals began to get stashed away and lost in all her journals and her father would pack up the over piling journals and put them away in the attic and garage storage space. The phone rang.
"Will you marry me?" Asked Harold.
"No, but I'm flattered." Answered Jerry.
Chicago looked promising from the northwest region of Indiana. Summer was coming yet was still far from its first blooming flower. Rain splashed on the busy streets, and the recession was growing worse. The economy had been swallowing itself in larger gulps as the president of the U.S. was being blamed for not caring for the relevant matters of the people. Although jobs at the post offices were being lost in the thousands, other jobs were being opened up for hire. There was hope. Yet the worst was to come.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
City
Today after five years of independantly living in Chicago I've come across an article in the newspaper about a young womans experience living alone in the city, working, meeting people, joining clubs, and the differences of the life she was used to growing up in the suburbs. I was liberated to read this article as memories of making friends out of strangers, chosing places to eat, live, work was in abundance.
I was yet relieved when no one asked me for rides, to borrow books, clothes, or would just walk right into my house the way it used to be in the suburbs. The woman mentioned that in the city these things happened much less.
I was yet relieved when no one asked me for rides, to borrow books, clothes, or would just walk right into my house the way it used to be in the suburbs. The woman mentioned that in the city these things happened much less.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Mary Jane
The summer in Indiana rolled into a hot drought in June. It was the time Kelly decided to drive Bernard and his fiance Fran to Bernards cancer treatments. The ride would be over an hour drive east down the traffic infested highway and construction detours. There were car accidents most days of each week from the full four weeks Kelly would be driving them.
It was Bernards car that he requested to be taken in and sitting in the back seat on Kellys left hand side she could view his frail state for he was tall and very thin. In the passenger seat sat Fran, a petite woman in her seventys' with a keen and alert sense in caring for her partner. The sun showed itself most days and rain poured heavily at different intervals each ride back to dropping the couple off at home.
There was wooded valleys on both sides for miles along the highway to Bernards doctors office. Kelly drove the speed limit with concern for her passengers in the car, and paid most of her attention to the road in front of her in the midst of her chatty desire with the classy and elegant Fran Di Eloise whose sons owned a successful business in New Hampshire selling farm equiptment such as plows and tractors.
She talked joyfully of her family and her hopes for their future success with their families and company. Each day grew more and more pleasant in conversation that began with small chat about Kelly's city antics in modeling, art, and office work. Kelly told of her relationships with co-workers, boyfriends, the late night partying, and her turn to come home and focus on her career with fear and a intrigue. She discovered that while telling Fran of her city adventures that it was a steady hum in her heart that brought her to realization as to what brought her to the city in the first place, dreadfully it was to run away from herself. Frans eyes grew disinterested and she looked out the window with sincerity in her voice.
Fran was Kellys mothers and her good friend who was there years ago during a traumatic time in Kellys young life. Kelly faced a car accident that brought her patience and grace in her recovery from a traumatic head injury. Fran warmly invited a young Kelly into her home and they sang, prayed, and ate french toast with Frans touch of frying oil for crisp and melted butter.
Bernard came into Frans life soon after Kelly strengthened from her injuries. The two love birds danced and ate out romantically on weekends and took many trips to Florida where Bernards grandchildren resided. Bernard made Fran very happy within those years. Fran on the phone in the waiting room with her Mary Jane Candy while Bernard was in radiation kept a poised expression and firmness in her voice to take care of new appointments Bernard would be facing in his final days of cancer. Bernard carried a charm, and hearty sense of humor with Kelly she noticed stunned. He taught her a thing or two contructively about driving, and dieting and Kelly listened and learned intently with willingness.
Kelly brought them coffee sometimes and would find a quiet place in the clinic to move to the vending machine room to get rid of her car sickness. Yet in her gut she felt nothing more important than to sit by the elderly friends side each moment. As difficult as it was to see how sharp and in charge little Fran was for her Bernard Kelly knew Fran to be a trully Godly woman. Each visit Fran would take one Mary Jane from the front desk bowl of candy. Wrapped in its yellow and red wax paper, Kelly watched with calmly and still Frans soft and pale petite fingers open the candy.
It was Bernards car that he requested to be taken in and sitting in the back seat on Kellys left hand side she could view his frail state for he was tall and very thin. In the passenger seat sat Fran, a petite woman in her seventys' with a keen and alert sense in caring for her partner. The sun showed itself most days and rain poured heavily at different intervals each ride back to dropping the couple off at home.
There was wooded valleys on both sides for miles along the highway to Bernards doctors office. Kelly drove the speed limit with concern for her passengers in the car, and paid most of her attention to the road in front of her in the midst of her chatty desire with the classy and elegant Fran Di Eloise whose sons owned a successful business in New Hampshire selling farm equiptment such as plows and tractors.
She talked joyfully of her family and her hopes for their future success with their families and company. Each day grew more and more pleasant in conversation that began with small chat about Kelly's city antics in modeling, art, and office work. Kelly told of her relationships with co-workers, boyfriends, the late night partying, and her turn to come home and focus on her career with fear and a intrigue. She discovered that while telling Fran of her city adventures that it was a steady hum in her heart that brought her to realization as to what brought her to the city in the first place, dreadfully it was to run away from herself. Frans eyes grew disinterested and she looked out the window with sincerity in her voice.
Fran was Kellys mothers and her good friend who was there years ago during a traumatic time in Kellys young life. Kelly faced a car accident that brought her patience and grace in her recovery from a traumatic head injury. Fran warmly invited a young Kelly into her home and they sang, prayed, and ate french toast with Frans touch of frying oil for crisp and melted butter.
Bernard came into Frans life soon after Kelly strengthened from her injuries. The two love birds danced and ate out romantically on weekends and took many trips to Florida where Bernards grandchildren resided. Bernard made Fran very happy within those years. Fran on the phone in the waiting room with her Mary Jane Candy while Bernard was in radiation kept a poised expression and firmness in her voice to take care of new appointments Bernard would be facing in his final days of cancer. Bernard carried a charm, and hearty sense of humor with Kelly she noticed stunned. He taught her a thing or two contructively about driving, and dieting and Kelly listened and learned intently with willingness.
Kelly brought them coffee sometimes and would find a quiet place in the clinic to move to the vending machine room to get rid of her car sickness. Yet in her gut she felt nothing more important than to sit by the elderly friends side each moment. As difficult as it was to see how sharp and in charge little Fran was for her Bernard Kelly knew Fran to be a trully Godly woman. Each visit Fran would take one Mary Jane from the front desk bowl of candy. Wrapped in its yellow and red wax paper, Kelly watched with calmly and still Frans soft and pale petite fingers open the candy.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Recipe: A Summer Smudge
Ingredients
1 cup of peanut butter
Tspn of Vanilla Extract
5-6 shakes of cinnomon
Directions:
Mix them all up in a bowl. Microwave for ten seconds. Alternative: Add 2 tspns of honey and 1/2 cup of milk for a smoother and sweeter taste.
Slice a french bread roll and spread the sweet delight on for a snack with risque and unique flavor.
1 cup of peanut butter
Tspn of Vanilla Extract
5-6 shakes of cinnomon
Directions:
Mix them all up in a bowl. Microwave for ten seconds. Alternative: Add 2 tspns of honey and 1/2 cup of milk for a smoother and sweeter taste.
Slice a french bread roll and spread the sweet delight on for a snack with risque and unique flavor.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Happy
Sunrise to sunset no room to fret or fear. The future turns and rolls over in circles over a hot surface that burns. Belong to a routine of what you have created if you know what I mean. Living wet and crumbled missing what you left. You think what you say is nothing when all you say is something.
Dig into that or dig into that. Where is it taking you if your words are watery and sword fiery. Imagine her deeper as she holds his hand and you can't let go the thought ignites. His piercing dark green eyes are now a blessing in disguise. You see him in your sunrise, you dream him in your sunset. You piece him in your imagination and once just a selection now a fascination.
Nails to flesh, shards of glass or bliss. Happy to miss the cure of that one kiss. Unfinished twists blurring the signs, a start without a finish in the maze stuck in thorny vines. It feels like forever longer than the temporary never. Theres the wet and muddy tracks of together or the airy and spacy plaques of apart. A new law of my world Elton Johns Love Songs at every wedding and funeral on a live piano.
Dig into that or dig into that. Where is it taking you if your words are watery and sword fiery. Imagine her deeper as she holds his hand and you can't let go the thought ignites. His piercing dark green eyes are now a blessing in disguise. You see him in your sunrise, you dream him in your sunset. You piece him in your imagination and once just a selection now a fascination.
Nails to flesh, shards of glass or bliss. Happy to miss the cure of that one kiss. Unfinished twists blurring the signs, a start without a finish in the maze stuck in thorny vines. It feels like forever longer than the temporary never. Theres the wet and muddy tracks of together or the airy and spacy plaques of apart. A new law of my world Elton Johns Love Songs at every wedding and funeral on a live piano.
Dad
From Chicago to Indiana theres no place like home. There are many days in a year and time spent with the little annoyances of dads belches of habit and moms monstrous sneezes. Sometimes blaring Elton John Sad Song, is the only choice out of crawling in a bedroom corner with a pillow until the next day or stretching out your dreams until your thoughts are bleeding.
Stay conscious I tell my self. Theres someone out there who can relate. From paranoia of having a small mind to losing out on winning souls you just have to wait for the strong finish of an indescribable start. Go with the familiar or think outside the box I read over and over that its really your choice. I wanted to say what I thought to say after I left that I had planned to say in the first place. Patterns of reasons why things don't come out pile high justified in my mind.
Summers, Falls, Winters, Springs, and all the inbetween prolongings year after tearful dreary eyed year. Goals, and disclipine for a high chin. The pouring out of learned things for the knowing nose.
Can any prayer rebuild the choices to come? Where will the day shout for joy today? Songs played and engrained over and over for the sane. Come inside so I can kick you out again dad, your the best dad I can ever have because you are the only dad I have so thanks for moving out of the way for me when I couldn't.
Stay conscious I tell my self. Theres someone out there who can relate. From paranoia of having a small mind to losing out on winning souls you just have to wait for the strong finish of an indescribable start. Go with the familiar or think outside the box I read over and over that its really your choice. I wanted to say what I thought to say after I left that I had planned to say in the first place. Patterns of reasons why things don't come out pile high justified in my mind.
Summers, Falls, Winters, Springs, and all the inbetween prolongings year after tearful dreary eyed year. Goals, and disclipine for a high chin. The pouring out of learned things for the knowing nose.
Can any prayer rebuild the choices to come? Where will the day shout for joy today? Songs played and engrained over and over for the sane. Come inside so I can kick you out again dad, your the best dad I can ever have because you are the only dad I have so thanks for moving out of the way for me when I couldn't.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Quiet Confidence
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Desert sand.
The matter of millions of rocks, millions of stars, millions of thoughts, and millions
of wars. The one in my head is the longest I stand. I'm still walking up the stairway to heaven. My heart is no tart, not sour or a part. Its a whole colorful flow of an ocean. Salty notions and fragile seas, devotion and majesties.
Where do I go, and where is my home. I want to live here, while I'm here. I don't know how to not fear the day or the year. Money is poverty, but poverty is not money. My socks stink and are sweaty. I sit all day, and walk all night in my dreams. There is no where that I can say I feel fine and reign.
I'm sick of spinning, my head grinning. I'm nodding and a big part of me is flogging. I have been filling in a big part of me that was torn and ripped out, and I don't even think it will ever be enough to route.
I've found a love as sweet as can be. He's made of chocolate and covered in cherry. His smile is a style of elegance and grace. His beast is not in the least a bit in the way. Theres room for us all in the roll of hay. Then we lie along the dock of the bay.
of wars. The one in my head is the longest I stand. I'm still walking up the stairway to heaven. My heart is no tart, not sour or a part. Its a whole colorful flow of an ocean. Salty notions and fragile seas, devotion and majesties.
Where do I go, and where is my home. I want to live here, while I'm here. I don't know how to not fear the day or the year. Money is poverty, but poverty is not money. My socks stink and are sweaty. I sit all day, and walk all night in my dreams. There is no where that I can say I feel fine and reign.
I'm sick of spinning, my head grinning. I'm nodding and a big part of me is flogging. I have been filling in a big part of me that was torn and ripped out, and I don't even think it will ever be enough to route.
I've found a love as sweet as can be. He's made of chocolate and covered in cherry. His smile is a style of elegance and grace. His beast is not in the least a bit in the way. Theres room for us all in the roll of hay. Then we lie along the dock of the bay.
All the things I've passed by.
I'm being shaped and formed for the truth and spirit of the most powerful responsibility. Here comes the moon shining over my window over the city, I've never have serenity. I don't know what it is. But I do believe its not enough for me.
I'm changing my mind, and my thoughts, and time. I'm good with many things but I am only going to do one. OH oh I ach so. I'm tired. I'm quiet. My heart is snow. I'm silent. I don't know where to go. Emotions have gone out the window. I can't act, I can't try. I don't deny to identify.
I don't have a clue what Ive been up to. Maybe I've gone mad and lie about everything I said.
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