She

She sat at table still and quiet. She then went to the door standing there saying bye in response. Only eyes were on the prize.  There wasn't a sound not even a ping pang to off balance the elephant in the room.

The lights could have been off and the air in room could have been poisoned she wouldn't have known the difference.  Maybe tomorrow was all that would matter when the presence is controlled only by God.  All the study, practice, or grace in the world doesn't hold well when ice and hearts combine. Fuck maybe it was experience, beginners misfortune, reputation, the drugs or lack of, history, false hope and betrayal that shines blocking the light of wisdom.
  Holding on to a greeting was bigger than life.  Both initiated by the woman waiting for a cue to stay or leave depending on her inviter.

Mistake after mistake fizzled.  She filled her mind the space between anger and hunger.  The waiter was unknown, and talked quietly to her inviter who couldn't be more out of place and exhausted.  Afraid to move at all a numbness filled her thoughts and heart and smoke her lungs.

Emulating her mother the waiter stayed at the


Party and presented over the top social graces. In 2013 only 2 years ago, a cluster of people came around and went with lunch or coffee dates some in Chicago, and some in NWI for a brief time.  What a considerable time of open doors and opportunities with the empowerment of others.  

Then a town smaller in orbit than the tiniest cluster of Fila busters brings out her desecration extracted from smoking, and poking around all the wrong places with all the wrong faces, sends her into what feels like the childhood matters away from a dangerous outlook of going higher than she ever resolved.

Contoured by mommy's heart, and daddy's little tart, she was in warm and very soft waters.  So confused yet so consistently confidential why hide or collide with the presence when the past was much more consumed by her galloping freedom in areas she is aware are gifts to her from God's universal undeserved liberations.

Squeezing into the black hole of the presence she would not lengthenough the leash of her own freedom only to suffice her boxed lunch of her own boundaries.

All her rope was beginning to tighten the more it unraveled yet a journey of eye liner, tampons, and padded bras would not let her down.  She came this far and wouldn't let her band of angels down for anyone.

 Her debt erased she believed let her yearnings to control, release and her longing to take toll, ease.  Could have been a breakthrough for the waiter to cancel out on family pressures during the holiday and go to a party where only mayhem presented itself with a over joyous array of colorful people?

Leather skin this time and a bald head while the same scenario occurred well over 20 years ago when her skin was soft and smooth.  Her inviter as well given the same age the waiter was didn't look pleasing to the naked eye.  How could it be possible only 20 years ago her inviter over 15 years older then the waiter could have outdone both individuals in looks?! Times have changed grossly.

Surrender. The action word came to the waiters mind when all she could do is fall asleep from the pressure of humiliation and offense as the inviter lured aND played with his interests and uncontrollable desires. All the while the waiter tortured herself more to get her focus off the pain of her life being destroyed with great reasoning and justification as she looked longingly at all the couples leaving the surprise party early with desparation in her eyes to be that couple with her inviter who continued to be smitten with himself.

Justification of karma comes when God brings forth good things.  All good things come from God alone.