Easier said, and Done

After college, there are so many options and the sky I was told is the limit. I bought pets, a couple cats, my parents took me out for dinners in Chicago, and theatres. I rented audio books, relaxation music with rain drops and crickets, and spent late nights throwing darts for game, dancing next to the juke box, going on big boat rides with fashionably sensitive career and college kids.  I wanted to marry and have babies, see Dubai, Paris, Crete, and Dublin. Time wI'll tell.

 Then the smell of the real world began to hit me and I started working forty hours a week right after college at minimum wage at fast food restaurants learning the cash register and customer service skills while summer times came and went shopping for a pair of boots and going to the beach. I was going places.

 There was the gas tank expenditures, and fender benders.  There was the personal injury suites, and learning everything is money.
The Virgin daiquiris, coladas, romances, short shorts, capris, long hair, short hair, no hair and tattoos.

I landed a few internal tempo perm jobs in my dream city in my mid twenties working forty hours a week paying taxes and combing the night life of wine and dine.  I picked up the five dollar confectionery coffees, and ten dollar appetizers to treat myself all the while itching and waiting for the family I wanted of my own.

Time felt nausiating as very good people zipped through my life. Work schedules, dating, and the me time felt exhausting and empty. So I kept up with my reputation of no sick leave, or late days, or call offs which I felt good at along with taking classes in fiction writing, psychology, and CPR.

Volunteering was addicting for me. I just threw myself into  stuffing envelopes, making cold calls for WBEZ radio, serving as a greeter and any youth campaigns were always fun, exciting, and rewarding.  Before I knew it a decade went by, and my family was still asking where my college education went.  I was frumpy, and feeling washed up.

Fiction reading and writing were the way to go. Rejection after rejection publishers and agents came and went quick and easy with all the competition.  Keeping all of the journalist and fiction stories in my files, I began to venture into yoga and zumba classes.  Eating better, and quiting drinking and smoking when I wanted children.
Jess, Kloi, Fiori, Jen, Kate, and Delana were all living around the world somewhere and we only had schooled together.

The ache and longing of staying twenty years old couldn't budge with illusions of never aging, and natural beauty from the television.  Finally, I went back to my roots one foot in and one foot in Arizona. Fast food hundred dollar shoes, minimum wage forty hours a week, and a
uniform were back in the picture.  And I picked up a cigarette every now and then discovering a benign cyst which was removed with my son may 27 2016 with my c section.

No body cared.  All the while I went to and from the earth from Key West to California to Jamiaca, and cruising the Bahamas,  thanks to  my travel company lafies I only paid half of what eberyone else pays in fees, and transportation.  And I met friends who went with me and I them for weddings and family affairs which mostly do you in where you think this is it you found all your lookong for, thean, the boy, the family to no avail.  So pop in U2, " I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For" and call it a day. In addition, so many people and skill sets which takes hours of class trainings love you and you love them and the job and money making brought dreams to reality which is when your head and heart come together.

You think what does any of this have to do with me, there's that feeling of responsibility and it grows bigger every year.  My dad prayed alot on his knees and scriptures told me where and why things happened with faith, love and the hope.  Give birth a few can actually do told me alot about the fear and choices of a lifetime.  And how we are all fine. We need a reason, we all do and that's connectiong, harmonizing, linking together and some are good at it and some are not and that's fine too.  The bang ups, the dreamers, the fixers, and the doers are all in us, we all have this one hour in the world right now at the same time.