Easier said, and Done

After college, there are so many options and the sky I was told is the limit. I bought pets, a couple cats, my parents took me out for dinners in Chicago, and theatres. I rented audio books, relaxation music with rain drops and crickets, and spent late nights throwing darts for game, dancing next to the juke box, going on big boat rides with fashionably sensitive career and college kids.  I wanted to marry and have babies, see Dubai, Paris, Crete, and Dublin. Time wI'll tell.

 Then the smell of the real world began to hit me and I started working forty hours a week right after college at minimum wage at fast food restaurants learning the cash register and customer service skills while summer times came and went shopping for a pair of boots and going to the beach. I was going places.

 There was the gas tank expenditures, and fender benders.  There was the personal injury suites, and learning everything is money.
The Virgin daiquiris, coladas, romances, short shorts, capris, long hair, short hair, no hair and tattoos.

I landed a few internal tempo perm jobs in my dream city in my mid twenties working forty hours a week paying taxes and combing the night life of wine and dine.  I picked up the five dollar confectionery coffees, and ten dollar appetizers to treat myself all the while itching and waiting for the family I wanted of my own.

Time felt nausiating as very good people zipped through my life. Work schedules, dating, and the me time felt exhausting and empty. So I kept up with my reputation of no sick leave, or late days, or call offs which I felt good at along with taking classes in fiction writing, psychology, and CPR.

Volunteering was addicting for me. I just threw myself into  stuffing envelopes, making cold calls for WBEZ radio, serving as a greeter and any youth campaigns were always fun, exciting, and rewarding.  Before I knew it a decade went by, and my family was still asking where my college education went.  I was frumpy, and feeling washed up.

Fiction reading and writing were the way to go. Rejection after rejection publishers and agents came and went quick and easy with all the competition.  Keeping all of the journalist and fiction stories in my files, I began to venture into yoga and zumba classes.  Eating better, and quiting drinking and smoking when I wanted children.
Jess, Kloi, Fiori, Jen, Kate, and Delana were all living around the world somewhere and we only had schooled together.

The ache and longing of staying twenty years old couldn't budge with illusions of never aging, and natural beauty from the television.  Finally, I went back to my roots one foot in and one foot in Arizona. Fast food hundred dollar shoes, minimum wage forty hours a week, and a
uniform were back in the picture.  And I picked up a cigarette every now and then discovering a benign cyst which was removed with my son may 27 2016 with my c section.

No body cared.  All the while I went to and from the earth from Key West to California to Jamiaca, and cruising the Bahamas,  thanks to  my travel company lafies I only paid half of what eberyone else pays in fees, and transportation.  And I met friends who went with me and I them for weddings and family affairs which mostly do you in where you think this is it you found all your lookong for, thean, the boy, the family to no avail.  So pop in U2, " I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For" and call it a day. In addition, so many people and skill sets which takes hours of class trainings love you and you love them and the job and money making brought dreams to reality which is when your head and heart come together.

You think what does any of this have to do with me, there's that feeling of responsibility and it grows bigger every year.  My dad prayed alot on his knees and scriptures told me where and why things happened with faith, love and the hope.  Give birth a few can actually do told me alot about the fear and choices of a lifetime.  And how we are all fine. We need a reason, we all do and that's connectiong, harmonizing, linking together and some are good at it and some are not and that's fine too.  The bang ups, the dreamers, the fixers, and the doers are all in us, we all have this one hour in the world right now at the same time.

I'm Writing Gone

As we sing any catchy tune for the road trip to nannas, the top of trees and the sun light I hope feel good for Ethan who turns gosh 10 months this month.  We go way out to celebrate. No one knows how fun it gets!
Although last month I wasn't well so there wasn't a back up party.

NW Indiana is a region known for the gorgeous seasons of fall, winter,spring, and summer.  And next week is Spring Break so I assume everyone will be gone for the beach states.  I'm scared of the different child developments, worried I'll miss something phenomenal and probably do on a day to day basis as I reach out to diligently dedicate all my determination on my priority Ethan.

So as you would have it, shoving a handful of nuts or French fries isn't easy while he wants to do everything possible that we all do and all at once too.  Winds are too strong still for him yet he can bring down all nannas nick nacks to the floor with one swing!

I used to be a movie buff, and now not so much and there's no regrets or bothers over that. Maybe I watched my share for the time being. I look through the actors of the 90s I grew up with such as Harrison Ford, John Malkovich, or Kevin Costner and more, and by golly, I'm thrilled to see howany movies I still need to catch up on with them in it while Ethan sleeps yet maybe one day since I will need to sleep too if I don't want to sit around and talk about the same old stuff getting caught in some good and some not so good talks, and meals.  So rest is a miraculous.

Zzzzzzzz

Still Growing

I've been devastatingly watching my son 11 months old get well from a 2nd degree burn to his leg and tummy God, and sent us to the ER shattered.  So then child services comes to our door to investigate Ethan for neglect or abuse and show up whenever they are ready to and keep much confidentiality as we as parents,family, or friends are all left feeling worse than imaginable as we distance our selves from one another and bring about great caution to how careful our parenting can be leaving us out of reach and range from our normal schedules in which infants need.  I am left feeling threatened to losing my baby and feeling unfit as a new parent in a fragile state of family, and relationships such as parents.

Is it due to the alarm of such an accident as the system has saved many lives, I do agree for the health and saftey of those neglected and abused, yet as we are being interrogated and analyzed for a case, parents can only be left to feel worse and worse.

Thank God for support, and for the safety measures of children, yet for the poor and under educated this can be a difficult time for any parent or caregiver of an infant. God knows that even the best are brought down by a visit from someone who has to watch you and screen you as a parent other as complete strangers, after an accident in any case threatening or helpful.



I signed one of CPS today as the perpetrator and I asked about it and was told someone has to be that and the prey or victim. This is horrendous on any parent! Let me mind you the definition and synonyms for perpetrator:  perpetrator [ pur-pi-trey-ter ]

Main Entry: murderer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: person who kills

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, perpetrator, slaughterer, slayer, soldier, trigger person

Main Entry: wrongdoer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: lawbreaker

Synonyms: criminal, crook, culprit, felon, malefactor, miscreant, offender, perpetrator, sinner, transgressor, trespasser, violator

Main Entry: public enemy

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: common enemy

Synonyms: criminal, felon, gangster, lawbreaker, malevolent, outlaw, perpetrator, public enemy number one, racketeer, scofflaw, universal foe, villain

Main Entry: manslayer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, massacrer, murderess, perpetrator, slaughterer, slayer, soldier, trigger person, triggerman

Main Entry: massacrer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, manslayer, murderess, perpetrator, slaughterer, slayer, soldier, trigger person, triggerman

Main Entry: murderess

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, manslayer, massacrer, perpetrator, slaughterer, slayer, soldier, trigger person, triggerman

Main Entry: slaughterer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, manslayer, massacrer, murderess, perpetrator, slayer, soldier, trigger person, triggerman

Main Entry: slayer

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, manslayer, massacrer, murderess, perpetrator, slaughterer, soldier, trigger person, triggerman

Main Entry: triggerman

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: murderer

Synonyms: assassin, butcher, criminal, cutthroat, enforcer, executioner, hit person, hit-and-run, homicide, killer, manslaughterer, manslayer, massacrer, murderess, perpetrator, slaughterer, slayer, soldier, trigger person.  These are from the dictionary and so I don't think the wording is apt at all.  Jesus Psalms 23 and 90 are requested for me to read from my great Tia Elida.  And I think praise to God for all the love and support for us at this time is apt in our lives and resilient babies strong and healed fast, thank you God.

I think in CPS,  states your guilty u til proven innocent, I mean does this word or title bring peace of mind as the mother or individual with the child is called this name?  I know it can yet during accidents no it cant, and Ive been very scared, sad, and torn and things are looking up. Yet Who can not help not feeling the weight of this amazing topic let alone the clarity of what CPS are labelling this person!

As a mom, I dont think details of a application sense are a private matter.  For instance, I think if I had children younger I would be healthier and younger in a sense of learning styles.  Healthier in a sense for my young and self nurturing and care.  You see there is a lot to learn just by stating a few demographics and background acknowledgements.  But if its anyones first child then its completely understandable that the new circumstances of child getting harmed can be overlooked or well attributed by social services per say.

The family too with much concern and thoughtfulness can be benefited by outside parties for support such as friends, co-workers, class mates, or acquaintances with good advice.  There isn't anything more important than keeping a family healthy and safe.  As I learned to keep my eye on the values and beliefs I have for parenting and why children need to be safe and healthy I can see to a healthy and then safe turn out.

Parenting to me is the love and steadfast consistent care of any age child for as long as they are available and in good health.  It can be a determination and diligent time of vigilance and humility when turned into a practice of unconditional love learned from others around you and remembering the trusted loyalty and advice of what you picked up and can use in your time as a mother.  I think parenting has a lot to do with the environmental and emotional adaptations involving everyone to come together through a lot of change especially with one another who all need to see and be a strong part of the speed and awareness of a newborns development.

Relationship Zero

I wait and watch door night by night. Nothing.  It's the one text I can't ignore, it's so that one guy you look around for and lies dormant next to u slipping out before sunrise.

Foodies that Travel

The trip to New Orleans French Quarters was dazzling and bewitching with a friend there ready to meet up for drinks.  Elsas wedding anniversary and her oldest daughter Myra. They shared crawfish, and alligator nuggets.  A ferry picked them up, a trolly thru Bucator St. where ghostly memories of job bankruptcy, and for a  man who won her love plagued her throughout her stay in New Orleans after the hurrican devastation.    There Myra kept to herself. She felt an emptiness going through the cemeteries and marketplace where fresh soaps and herbs were homemade and sold.

Lake Geneva, WI and Milwaukee were two of the places Myra would be saying.goodbye to as.friends were diminishing and fading.from their meeting places here giving her
time to self examine and reflect, learn and make good.decisions.

There Myra often found a.remote place to reflect and think, coffee shop across the way, a bait shop near the cottage, she counted her blessings, and didnt know how but would come home to Indiana with a job, and a house of her own, a son, and a cancer scare while a cyst grew to be the size of a tennis ball on her overie, removed

Story Titles at the end or start?

I love titles, they are paramount and get me to tick.  Movie titles alone take me away sometimes, such as the Heart of the Sea and I'm able to believe Moby Dick as a movie remade and see a little more into the actors as the characters of such an art of story.

Titles can tell alot.  Especially when you can predict a story plot in book or film form such as a Wrinkle in Time a fiction by L Ingle.  My favorite childhood story of sci-fi and family secrets.  Anything with the word time to me is Sci fi worthy.

So many stories need to be remade again and again.  And songs as they are, I wish I could keep up with all of them.  There is so many feelings, and no way to come across them as well as a movie title.

Why do we remember certain titles and not others?  Collections of something new are an amazing pass time.  Video stores have visuals and yet we turn our student body toward libraries.  Visuals are so much more teachable and or learnable.

We have books over videos at school why??? It's because I believe for an education of the imagination.  Using ones own can create more, rather than getting the visual from movies.  It's also I think the titles, due to the imagery or visual a title can bring to an imagination.

I see a title such as Mother's Day, and I fill up with pleasant images and happy thoughts of flowers and great food, so of course I'll rent the movie, and not so much the book.  The visuals I can't bare are the books I rent since it's words only and my imagination such as a murder mystery which I sparingly read since reading is also more challenging than running your eyes across a screen but then again the stress movies bring too are very difficult to concur and even less so in books due to the nature of the story itself.

Imagine then a big list of videos to watch for college courses each semester rather than or with those hundred dollar books.  Finals based on videos for nursing to acting.  Imagine a video final on Twilight Saga, awesome?

Notes on movies too! Just never had this in school, only tons of books I never read and or couldn't finish. Blows my mind the fractions of time spent so effortlessly at theatres when books are left with a un cracked touch, and opening one sends one full of the joy and rewards of knowledge, power, and infinite ideas or thoughts on subjects videos can possibly show with a higher impact with its visuals on a subject.

Titles last but not least need to stay a mystery.  In conclusion they show and tell alot.  Titles at the end of a story can be reinventing the wheel so to speak but think of the fascinating quality of a story as a letter with the name at  the closing to get more of the story the attention needed from the author, or producer.

Title: Titles at the End or Start?

Pretty Face

There's an ageless face, a pretty one.  It covers all boundaries of criticism, judgement and rejections.  All the blame goes to the beholder, where beauty lies in their eyes.  What it is is the wonder and mystery of God's ways, as He beckons our return.  Attention? Maybe that's what it means, and alot of  feelings
 
There is no doubt so much love for a pretty face. I can't get used to it ever, the big close ups of faced on television or at the theatre.  Is it the make up? Could it be the facial expressions of kindness,friednliness, sweetness, a baby face?

God only knows.  A pretty face can be found by only the most artistic creative or social of folks.  Magazines, and so many people are going through times of so many pleasant perceptions and then everything can turn on a dime. Your focus can be on somany things.  I've went with someone who was never up and ready to go out.  I

Movie phenomenon

I'm waiting to run, and duck into the routine of uniform or a paycheck.  It beats retired people who want the same for you, to be working, and building that nest egg.  Day in and out movies climb the sbelves.  Have you seen this or that one? )love them or her.  What is a warm actor the one mom likes? The one you trend through a series of their hits. Awesome.  So too .any carbs, not enough fats, or protiens.  Calories?  Packing on enough for that thin frame of mind.  Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

When you get a chance to watch a movie, it can feel freeing from dreaming of traveling or laughing when you can laugh and travel with movies, and actors.  A man.  Love.  The quest of life genres.  Just being able to attach to a movie and enjoy something about it, it's setting, or appealing plot, and suspense.

There's a fan club for certain actors and that never dies, we watch loyaly actors as young as 20 years old spring into their 50s as actors and feel we grew up with their movies of each decade.  Mentors of life for some and others what to steer away from in wardrobe or dating disasters displayed in movies, a real rich feeling of inspiration and hope for things the way Paul Newman or Robert Reford had it on screen.

Finally it's Happened to Me

The discomfort of thought and feeling of plans and excitement of priorities to balance everything is all that stands.  A baby in your arms, dozed off to car alarms, singing about animal sounds on the farms, and feels so warm.

We all know the song ding done the witch is dead lalalalala, I usually hum this when someone is dealing with a difficult ordeal. Mostly unfair probabilities that seem to rob a good heart.  Guessing that after a few days of learning something new fromcsomething old such as the Word of God, gives me alot to think of and consider that will pave a new direction from an old one.  Who wants to guess what I'm talking about here?

Well, I've saved money just to have it taken from me over and over so what? I continue to build my dreams believin that what doesn't pan out will make you stronger along the way. Life can seem like a series of projects.  There isn't much to redeem in the world without God.

Nothing good or all things good come from above.  Lately ive thought about that, since my newborn son came into the world there's a lot to hop on that goes around in circles for a good cause.  When you think you are doing something you have to do, you find a way to make it yours, as you would want to do something about the situation you have no clue on.  For instance, you meet the most unattractive and distasteful person who spits, and smokes, or does drugs and drinks but they are on time and committed to your needs what then?

Or let's say you are stuck in a surgery room full of doctors, and you are the patient, the one you say you could never be in those ER rooms yet here you are not once or twice maybe the third time getting surgery.  Is this amazing or what? Fascinating? Nervous Nancy and a little cold on the table, I thought I could do better than nervous.  Where did my sense of humor go?

I quit smoking mostly, and drinking while sugary foods still find their way to celebrating times and friends love a good cake.  Or sweetening you up in other words.  I've habitualized the notion of pressing others to have another cookie, cupcake, or dessert.  I love those sweets doesn't mean they're going to be good for you.

The bathroom fan goes on and drives me bonkers as the clock winds down and we all know where to go.  Loud coughs and attention seeking unawares, halarius.   Then the ideas that swim across the universe only to suggest people are going to let you down and they are hurt too.  Keeping busy, a lonely excuse to the grieving who need a break.  Failures, rejection, disappointments, discouragement, and accidents seem to all fall into the same bag.  Interests, goals, passions, people, joy.

Make up, hair, purses, boots, jackets, glasses, clothes, whatever we do to seize the day are old plans of my mom's for a more robust start of her day and dollar.

She truly has been a role model, and an admirable woman that I dare not pain my self around her talents and unbringing. It is devastation to dishonor let me tell you how daily I fail to honor God through my parents and end up in my own prison of mental pains from pressure to stress.

See your not stuck, you choose your own buck.  Luck. Tucked away in heaven under a blanket in seven.  He's in charge of heaven. U2 lyrics.  Cold warm hunches