Big Paw

	2015

[Chuck Smoke]

By Kat

The sandy beachs were warm under Chucks feet.   There were goals that were met by dead ends.  Pivoting the sand with the heel of his foot there was room in the mound to stretch out and pitch a few stones into the ocean deep.

"Make bettter choices."  Whispered his mother in a memory.

"Fuck."  He murmured.

There was an end in sight.  There was a deep well of pain filling up to the brim fteeing his might.  A list of names to skim down the roster to recruit in a world of   Then the end came in sight a thunderstorm struck the field. He did not make the team.




Stay home stay in bed were the only thoughts mustard up in a rainy afternoon den.  Humpidity was thick and the televisions clouded out the runaways abilities to work, play, and die.  What is bettert o know or not to know was the question Chucks supervisor envisioned.  There was a determination of cancellations and there were a constallations of pimples all over his back  that itched with every last dollar.  

The relationship with Rex was thrown out several times to define a past of more unsupervised time than ever before and that is another legend to be told. What were the measures of death on the conscience? Two steps back are the steps he was taking into an abyss.  There was heated routes into the past of packed theaters in the ice cold winter of north west indiana sitting in the fron row with the screen almost touching yiur nose and headaches from being to damn close.  i do recall james the time i sat u with my galpal jenny and she was furious as well about the frozen locked doors after the moive. Birthdays usually stir up memories such as these that are preserved for a life time.  Beyond the history of the Titanic were rivets of historical lessons restored during the film brought back once again by Cameron, james.

It was the third time seeing the three hour film and not seat was empty each time.  The long night roared frigid cold winds over the theatre.  There was no end in sight of Indiana's NW winters and the feelings for those who died in the freezing waters of the Titanic film where considered the most heroic if you lived through the Blizzards of NW IN.  During Highschool the classes over at three o clock were repeated Monday through Friday.  It kept routines of people, places, and things in a small town compared to the large city or those who travel and move too much.  Mother said balance is key.  never knew going to see a movie in subzero temperatures could hold on to your life forever as the movies let out from a warm theatre into the midnight hours of frigid icy death gripping temperatures.

who in the right mind carries key door thawing spray for weather temperatures below zero in the middle of the night?  we sure didn't and we froze nearly to death the four of us that cold winter school night as kids.

"we're going to die out here!? james cried out.

"wait here comes somebody to let us in the car." laughed eric

"Holy fuck its fuckiing brutal out here!" shouted jenny

"please hurry dude." whimpered Kathy

Moonshine filled mason jars, and cigarette ashtrays overflowed over Christmas parties at Jelly's place.  Childrens paintings hung on the walls and Eloise was unemployed running through her mind values and beliefs about love, family, work, and healings.  Money was a talk each day with a little here and a little there to spend on ritualistic traditions engrained into the minds of old fashion farts or old timers who live day to day.  Jelly owned a ranch in Coloirado with his wife and two small children with a third just born.

His hair was long and his gblottle cap glasses gave him a magnified look of stregnth and intelligence.  He was tall and people looked up to him, espeicially his youngest and only daughter Bridget.  She didn't like her name, she only wanted fame and fortune.

Moppy they called him, a bright piercing blue eyed with native blood and a love for raunchy computer synthesis sounds from Trent Reznor. As a drummer Moppy's jet black hair and nautrual abilities to bring a small town a good name made him shine and win the heart of Lola Lankins a Broadway dancer who rocketed to stardom at the age of eighteen and plummetted into retirement early when work was vital to live.

The tall slim man called Chuck Smoke feministic with pretty lady Eloise about a small band called Normans Revival.  They were a bunch of kids devoted to a drummer and a guitarist.  There were plans for a small time band to do big things.  A young group inspired by The Beatles and Guns and Roses blew up the Earth with long sounds of guitar riffs and drum rolls across the universe.

There was long floppy haired kids devoted to kicking musical ass across the world.  They met in basements and took turns making record payments.  Then Chuck Smoke was called into baseball tryouts and quit the band

The night glowed with snow.  There was ants crawling along the Earths ledge. Unique rainbows followed after the rain showers and thoughts of Jennifer More dock filled Chuck Smoke.

There wasn't enough time in the day to discuss games.  If practices didn't fill up his schedule then Eloise did.  She would bring her clay and thoughts of jealousy over to his room and eat cookies.  Milk was cold and words became warm with loving loads of tomorrow.

There was the everyday charm.  There was the spray of alarm in his blue eyes.  There was surprise in the wrists and muscles.  There wasn't enough time to discuss games. Baseball consumed his schedule

The thorns in the heart bring a suffering that completes the aspects of certainty.  The thumb nails black with grout came from hands on work without machinery.  Sad continence portrait Chucks exhaustion of others expectations of his life and work.

Mostly what the careful image and carless actions to sit it out and wait or make a move to stand and not wait for her to 

pg9

It had been five days and ten hours since the try outs were discussed for March 2015.  Baseball Americas pass time wasn't a unfocused nerve wrecking talent it was a pleasant and life changing sport the whole world watched.  Chuck Smoke is Eric Warnecke.  Wounded heroes come home over 50,000.  This was Chuck Smokes passion to bring them home to their children and show them sacrifice by pledging to fight for them as they fought for us to watch baseball in peace. The poor old guy who lived next store from Mr. Brown was shoveling the snow in the streets and the snow plow comes and plows all the snow back in his property walk and drive way.  

After watching a great selection of movies Chuck Smoke was tired of watching movies hour by hour and shoveling the snow of Northwest Indiana.  The snow storm hit heavy on the weekend of the Super bowl.  The Patriots were playing against the Seahawks.  There wasn't much to do or get around doing in the snowy streets of Highland Indiana.  Eloise hadn't worked in four months, and her sister Juanita was not talking to her.  It was amazing how much they built cars back in the day.  Ford continues to experiment the assembly line to transform how we live.  

Chuck was stuck at home for the game until the weathers winds would decide for the transportation from town to town.  There was no stopping the snow and it wasn't difficult to get around in until the words of the wise came in and made it easy to maneuver through a momentarily unknown sidetrack of Eloise's truck

The snow storm shifted into a powdery flurry that didn't suit up well with the believers of hot weather.   the keeper of the house was sleeping long hours and chuck smoke had smoked his fifth cigarette by six am already.  he dreamed of elevator doors opening and closing and long stairwells going into heaven.  there awaiting him were ladies dressed in bikinis holding baseball bats and hitting homeruns out of the field.

He was running away from clingy and needy girlfriend Eloise who shouted profanity at him for the last time.  

"Come down for breakfast Chuck!" shouted his mom from upstairs.

"on way!"  chuck shouted in return.

The rockets' red glare lyric rocked him out of his sleep with two big thumps hitting the floor shaking his overflowing ashtray with cigarette butts all over his bed.  

"Fuck!"  he screamed.

"I think I've over stayed my welcome Chuck, I'm leaving."  Eloise said.

"Where the hell is my cleats?"  HE asked.

"There are under the bed."  Eloise answered.

The air was bleak and the red sun sunk low into the meridian.  Lake Michigan sprayed cold mists along the shoreline and Chicago's skyline looked dazzling from a distance.  Over the hills and faraway was the Inland Steel Refinery smoke stacks and the old pier that reached out for the lakes furthest depths of water.  It was where Chuck Smoke and Eloise shared one more kiss before their next breach where life swept them into the dreams of a white picketed fence and house kind of existence.

Fate had new plans though for Chuck Smoke as his bat and ball began to transform his life into a pros ball player.  Agents called left and right and his family phone rang constantly off the ringer until their heads rolled off.  It was too good to be true for a 35 year old Chuck Smoke and a history of traumatic injuries to his shoulder.  Never the less this didn't stop the all determined and diligence that he inherited from his father's side with a loving soft heart from mothers side of the family.

Women came in and out of the growing athletes life and while Eloise was away on business long nights would go into the sunrise at his best friend Walleyes house.  He would tuck the kids in and kiss them good night for a good run of beer and music played by Phish.  Clouds drifted in and out of the morning sky and the lulls of silence brought mundane blows across the afternoons in the town of Highland Indiana.  Eloise spent one third of her life at a University up state Indiana while Chuck Smoke studied Engineering and worked on houses while they were in their early twenties.

Nevertheless life turned them a few cards for the worst and when the economy sunk to an all time low and jobs grew far and few.  People were losing their houses and their families.  Children were suffering from lack of

education in a country who promises trust in God.  Times here hard and dreams were taken into a baseball career on hold in the early 90's for Chuck Smoke

Suddenly the temperature dropped to 0 degrees in NW IN where the Hoosiers wringer rings pride and rock and roll for small towners.  There wasn't a fruit plate to ripe for Chuck Smokes strawberries.  There wasn't one value he wouldn't step over the line about in his final years of baseball stardom.  The outfields cried his name, the bleachers trembled when his bat gave even a subtle move through the air.  

Chuck Smoke blamed Eloise for her choice to leave for college where she was accepted down state three hours.  There was no settling, and the sky was the limit were Indiana University's final ceremonies words in the Union next to the law school.  Tears sweltered across Smokes face as choices flew across his life right before him.  He would never see her again until fifteen years later and a thousand shelves stocked at a near by well known grocery store by his home in Highland, IN.

Where did his get the talent, the words, the looks that tailored the beliefs of millions across the world for becoming Americas most prestigious baseball player for a homelands favorite pass time.  Thousands cheered for the game of bat and ball.  Laughter crept up quicker than the dead bones rattling across understanding what it meant to be on your own.

Inspiration and encouragement hit the year 2015 for Chuck Smoke at an all time high and no one was disappointed.  Then his dog got sick with Malaria and died suddenly.  He took it hard and buried him in his back yard remembering the death of a schoolmates dog after running out into the street.  There was news casts everywhere about the batters swinging speed.  His picture hit headlines front cover for weeks
The many drunken nights turned Eloise to stay home from Chucks as a defense mechanism.  All the big deals have turned into drinking and drugging.  Being home has shown her the steadfast love of her mom and dad which has fueled the love for her beloved ball player.  March was coming and bringing more and more threats and chaos with echoes of broken promises in Chucks previous try outs.

The unknown has brought hope out of the opinions and two sense of Eloises angry attitude toward the sunami of theories of what worked for Chucks career and hers and their relationship.  The faith to block everything out brought out the pinches of tears hot and more constant down her cheeks as she watched day after day Chucks struggles with drugs and drinking.

Confused day after day Chuck waited to get a call for the right matching base ball team.  The imagination to chose what would be right or wrong laid heavily on his mind night after night.  Devoted to his family he would see himself living with his parents for the next seven years as Eloise was heading in that living environment as well.

Together they loved their parents and did what they thought best regarding their rules and aprroval.  Mean while it was easy for Chuck to slip into deep concentration on his dreams to become a dedicated ball player.  Eloise found every way possibile to think of her own future and never in her whole life could she feel more confident about working and starting a family if only it was for herself and not for the sake of the family finances.

Long ago she was told she was on her own.  And she played that song as a fiddle day after day for Chuck as he stayed close to home.  They were apart in everything they did and she found herself more and more at ease with the worlds flip side of the coin.  She had created her life around faking her love for chuck as some cool breeze of friendship and superficial simplicities

The air was bleak and the red sun sunk low into the meridian.  Lake Michigan sprayed cold mists along the shoreline and Chicagos skyline looked dazzling from a distance.  Over the hills and farway was the Inland Steel Refinery smoke stacks and the old pier that reached out for the lakes furthest depths of water.  It was where CHuck Smoke and Eloise shared one more kiss before their next breach where life swept them into the dreams of a white picketed fence and house kinda existence.

Fate had new plans though for Chuck Smoke as his bat and ball began to tranform his life into a prof ball player.  Agents called left and right and his family phone rang constantly off the ringer until their heads rolled off.  It was to good to be true for a 35 year old Chuck Smoke and a history of tramatic injuries to his shoulder.  Never the less this didn't stop the all determined and diligence that he inhereted from his fathers side with a loving soft heart from mothers side of the family.

Women came in and out of the growing athletes life and while ELoise was away on business long nights would go into the sunrise at his best friend Walleys house.  He would tuck the kids in and kiss them good night for a good run of beer and music played by Phish.  Clouds drifted in and out of the morning sky and the lulls of silence brought mundane blows across the afternoons in the town of Highland Indiana.  Eloise spent one third of her life at a University up state Indiana while Chuck SMoke studied Engineering and worked on houses while they were in their early twneties.

Nevertheless life turned them a few cards for the worst and when the economy sunk to an all time low and jobs grew far and few.  People were losing their houses and their families.  Children were suffering from lack of education in a country who promises trust in God.  Times here hard and dreams were taken into a baseball career on hold in the early 90's for Chuck Smoke.