|
[Type the company
name]
|
|
Light
in the Fog
|
|
The
Divine Epiphany
|
|
|
|
Katherine Reyna
|
|
9/24/2012
|
|
[Type
the abstract of the document here. The abstract is typically a short summary
of the contents of the document. Type the abstract of the document here.
The abstract is typically a short summary of the contents of the document.]
|
Chapter 1 Gregg Carney
The
Chicago buses pulled up close to the curb of a bench where Gregg and Sidney sat
in Lincoln Park. It was the middle of June, the time of the year city dwellers
have already brought out their flip flops, and took the tarp off the grill. The
sunlight danced along the side walks and trees. It was the usual quiet noon
time break in the empty park where Gregg ate his layers of deli meats in a sub
sandwich. While the neighborhood kids were in school, the streets were absent
of school buses, and baseball games.
Carney
wore the same kind of shirts that her best friend Eric wore in high school,
collars with a few buttons at the top, and base ball caps gave Sidney a simple
the girl next door feeling in a big city suburb. His tall lankiness of his
arms, shoulder width, and extremely soft hands with hair around the knuckles
were mysterious and alarming to her. His chain smoking reminded her of her high
school days of summer break along the train tracks with her stoner friends with
leather chain wallets and mo hawks. Sidney ate a seaweed salad bright and slimy
with neon green colors and sweetness.
She
wrote reviews for restaurants and her dining experiences but she was baffled
about what she could say about this moment with Gregg on a bus bench outside a
colorful restaurant with the Bears playing in the bars flat screens. Gregg
portrayed a modern day Tom Sawyer. His subtle charm and rough side was drawn
from his lifestyle of little sleep, lack of appetite for food, and adventurous
nature.
"Can
I get a cigarette?" Sydney asked.
"Sure."
Gregg replied.
"Coffee?"
Sydney asked.
"Sure."
Gregg said.
"Do
you eat breakfast?" Sydney asked.
"No."
Gregg answered.
Dear
Carney,
"When
I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise- in God I trust
and am not afraid." (NIV)
The
things I say and do I pray are divorced of selfishness, self pity and
dishonesty. I hear so many things on the news and internet that I am afraid of
not growing in the lords will and that I am just hiding from him and hoping he
will pass me by, what obedience God is asking from me I can't make out with all
the noise of parents concerns, friends and lovers needs, and believing in
myself.
My
dreams keep coming and going when I get in the way thinking that I have to take
the wheel when its God who has the wheel. The song by Aerosmith, Dream On, is a
song with meaning and strong influence on my life today just as much as it did
ten years ago because even when I feel the dreams are lost they have still been
there blossoming and blooming with or without my presence or love.
Global
Media Group and or Bible Gateway are to resources I use each day, and in faith
wait on the lord. Thanks.
Sydney
His
dark brown and keen eyes and sharp gaze on the environment around him was of a
sound mind when he wasn't drunk. She felt curious yet comforted by his scars
along his hands, head, and neck. The lines that showed through his fine dark
brown hair. There were two milky white short trails in between thin layers of
dark brown hair. She knew he had marks of life like hers. The long white pearly
trail along her scalp was covered gracefully behind long dark brown hair that
shined. She grew self conscious as she touched it. Her other scar was in the
shape of a snake along the center of her stomach; pink and more fleshy from the
sergens precise cut with the scalpel.
Dear
Carney,
How
are you? Think, Think, and Think.
There
is a story I hope to show here the best I can. I promised I would show it if I
got out of the bind I was in. I was coming from an early morning interview a last
minute spontaneous job interview. I was prepared the best I could be and was
planning afterward to go to show apartments up north in Chicago which I enjoy.
Usually
I make it with a fourth of a tank just in time to gas up. Yet this trip up
north turned upside down when my car died on Lake Shore Drive in Hyde Park. It
was a monster of a morning as I thought about what steps to take next and what
amount of timing as my smooth drive to the north side was interrupted.
It
was over 90 degrees as I walked and gathered information about the nearest
bank, gas station, and taxi service from runners, bystanders at bus stops, and
students walking to class. As much as I wanted to rely on the GPS and internet
service I had on my Android it was just too hot and the sun was very bright
which darkened my little screen.
So
I plan to make this quick and short. A young man with a gas container on his
way to the gas station offered to give me the tool when he was done using it to
fill his lawn mower. I was desperate, half panicked, and in a hurry. I drifted
into other ideas of my own as I floated down strange yet lovely neighborhoods
of Hyde Park to reach my bank, and get money for gas and a taxi to get back to
the car before it was towed.
I
wasn't happy. I wanted to be happy and embrace the fear, and trials before me
but I couldn't be without doing all I could to keep from fainting. I didn't
prepare for this. I didn't call the normal people I would have called because
they were all at work in far off places. What prompted me to write this story
was for others who have been or may be in this kind of danger and a very
expensive on at that.
My
car wasn't towed, and the young man with the gas tank didn't give work out
since my cell phone died. I used the resources I knew best from my everyday
usage such as drinking lots of water, having a cup of the banks coffee to relax
while sitting down to collect myself for a minute. My advice is never be afraid
to ask questions more than three times if it’s the same one especially if it
involves directions, time, your life, and getting it right. Secondly, don't go
anywhere without cash. Thirdly, where the proper clothes and shoes wherever you
go if you don't want to be blistered, bloody, and soar of feet.
The
override of panic and the pain of the mistake will pass in time, so be strong
and keep smiling and God will see you through it all to the end. The taxi cab
came and that cost $20.00. The gas and gas container cost together $10.00.
Another piece of advice is that while you are in the taxi cab take 100% control
because my cab driver was on the phone, the radio was up, and the back TV was
on and with all the noise we took a long detour which cab drivers love!
Passengers do not! More money in their pocket and more out of yours and there
goes your cup of coffee and side of veggies for lunch.
I
did it. I prayed, singed, laughed, smiled, and still the loss of money, time,
and choices is lost. I dealt with it and live to share the story for others to
learn from and pray it never happens to them. There is nothing like running
back and forth in 90 degree heat with a gas container, hopping a wired fence on
Lake Shore Drive to fill your gas tank before you spend 300 dollars picking it
up from a tow company in another place of wonder and mystery.
If
thrill is what you want, I recommend not doing it to yourself by forgetting
cash, gas, and taking a road trip to work when you know your best cousin that
you are dying to see is in town. Never mind. Get the drift? Don't be a drifter.
Obey your Sheppard.
Syd
Carney
had a horse cough that followed by deep hollow clearing of his throat. His
constant cough was as if there was more to cough up from years of smoking.
Greggs tall and pale with sun tans in the summer around his strong forearms and
long neck. Some people call this a farmers tan; at least this was the term used
in northwest Indiana were the corn fields ran for miles into the crop beds of
Michigan where Sydney grew up and hung out with friends along the trails and
meadows.
There
wasn't much to do, so hiking through prairies in the fall and sledding down
hills in the winter were the childhood joys of small towns in Indiana. Bonfires
and hay rides were for the young adults. Corn on the cob and pig roasts are
still prominent in these regions of the U.S. continent. While drinking was a
part of every past time while Sydney was growing up, watching the apple cedar
get spiked on a chilly night in October wasn't a surprise for her in her
teenage years. Over the haze of the smoky bonfires and sweet aromas of roasted marshmallows,
swigs of brandy or whisky were quickly taken by curious and excited youth. As
the youth of this age are blossoming amongst the dominant baby boomers it isn't
anything new to see how quickly the rapid fire of drinking can grow at any age.
Carneys
father lived southwest of him in the lavish neighborhood of Palos Heights, IL.
Along the backyard of his father’s home there is a pond with a large rock.
Palos Heights is a very warm, and pleasant place for a quiet lifestyle. Inside
warm apple cidar is heated up inside a crock pot plugged into the wall near a
small television set with antennas.
Be
pleasant, be pleasant, be pleasant, were Sydney’s thoughts as she observed
Gregg with great caution. This stranger, this epiphany, this shadow of her past
was darker than she could fathom. There was a mystery of strength and courage
she felt pushing her way through each sip of coffee chatting with Carney. She
noticed endurance in herself through each walk around the blocks of Ravenswood,
IL; faith through each apartment showing as she observed a new apartment, a new
relationship, and a need to be filled in shadowing Carneys every move as a
apartment specialist.
Listening
eagerly, Sydney discovered confidence-filled words, energy, and problem solving
techniques that Carney possessed in his work ethic and years of experience in
Chicago. This was the beginning for her to put her office experience to use.
After she spent almost two years in retail it was a refreshing change to
accompany Carney while showing apartment hunters apartments for a few years on
the north side.
Mystery
clouded the pleasant atmosphere of Ravenswood, Chicago. A short blast of music
sounded on the radio, a cool mist of rain flushed out the summer heat, and the
Chicago grind of work, and rest grinded city dwellers in all directions. Just
another day on the road to apartment showings and a free lunch for Sydney.
While Carney revved up his schedule book and phone calls, appointments moved
quickly through the beginnings of the month.
Dear
Carney,
Today
I stopped by Stanmeyer Realtor office around 9:30a.m. The place is over up
north on Montrose and Lincoln Ave. My cellular phone went dead and no one was
in the office. Stans four dour Chariot wasn't in site and the sun was shining
pretty bright. The weather has meteorologists predicting sunshine seven
straight days in a row this week which is rare and peculiar in the windy city
of Chicago.
As
usual I picked up a cup of coffee and drove straight to the gym I've been going
to for over three years to see what the next class would be. Frank gave a good
ab class and I headed out for my second cup of coffee when I received a text
message from another realtor office to confirm a commission release invoice for
the apartment I technically was going to show five college adults in
Wrigleyville.
Payment
day was here it had already been a month since the 5 bedroom showing and all
those blank nights serving at Saturdays weddings. There really isn't any chance
I'd thought to call my broker work blank, since it was so indescribably slow
for me. Another wedding to hold back my unstable emotions during the father
daughter dance. Oh no here it goes again, the song from the movie Ghost playing
and the lights are turned down.
I
rush and look for my best chance out of the banquet room and outside to get
some fresh air when I realize I'm alone and on the clock. Anyone could be
looking for me and wondering where I'm at. Playing around with my work
schedules hoping to get work from temporary agencies no one is calling me back
or they are scheduling me on the days I work already at the other company.
I'm
calmer than I've ever been. A wanderlust of customer service jobs fills my head
in retail or sales positions and I'm fearing the limited box I feel trapped
inside of. Fidgeting and antsy I move to the library where the heat is to hot
and there’s a customer on the computer next to me with too much cologne but its
aroma is tranquilizing.
Sydney
Chapter 2 Perception Interception
What
was all the unsettled excitement about the people God brings into life? How is
it that focused routines of things while finding healing, peace, or joy in the
midst of it all happens without a warning? After the transformation of a
butterfly and watching its metamorphic shape mold over a course, or the turmoil
of a diamonds worth, only the final product is then appraised.
There's
soft spots, fragile, delicate, extremely frail parts in a person after a car
crash. These were the echoing words or cries of those who are just coming out
of a very traumatic accident involving drinking and driving and other traumas
that involved drugs and alcohol abuse. They may not be able to say what they
want to because of a coma, or other silences of recovery and thankfulness to
still have a heartbeat.
Sydney
wanted others to hear the obvious for those in which these youths cannot
express. She hoped for courage, strength, and joy for each choice she made as
the wounds healed, such as the softening of the fears, hopes, and the patience
to trust that she would make those strong and courage choices for the hope her
voice would be prominent for all the voices who cannot be heard. She remembers
the light in all the horrible and dreadfulness of her own consequences of
drinking, driving, and secrets that lead her to almost losing lives as she laid
in the ER at the age of 21.
She
will forever be thankful that even her friend who was driving is alive and well
today Jim who was then 24 years of age, healthy, and full of life with his
whole life ahead of him too. As they both grow up apart from the world hope
prevails they will cross paths someday with gratitude and joy, forgiveness and
forbearance.
"Son
there's another one of those poems that came in the mail by that chick
Sydney." Said Mr. Carney
"I'll
read it later. Leave it on the table. Thanks dad." Greg replied.
"I'll
just read it to you out loud. You ready here it goes." Said Mr. Carney.
"Dear
Carney,
Hope
you like this one Carney it’s not titled but it’s a poem I wrote on the train
to my parents house in Indiana. Here goes nothing: One piece of chocolate is
all it takes for me to think of the number of times I didn't call to talk.
Sleep couldn't get passed me in the past 16 hours. Drowsy. Fluxed up and glued
to the tube is a bad habit to start. Like I need another bad habit. Ouch!
The
radio upstairs is sputtering fast talkers that I can't understand. The volume
is low and the rest of the house is quiet. How many times will I call voice
mail. When will I get messages on time. When will the same student loan
recording stop calling.
I'm
wearing my pony tail today in front of my head. I can't taste the thirst
quencher with this nose stuffed up. The pain reliever has kicked in and my
energy is back but I don't know what to do.
Eat
another piece of chocolate. All I can think of is going to sleep. I won't watch
television or use the phone. Maybe this blog is really about a media break. No
radio, no magazines, no newspaper, no computer? Drat!
Usually
I would be eating but I can't taste my food so its miserable to eat.
I
don't feel like venting about anyone on a blog today so I am just venting in
general; what a cliché. My socks are doubled up, and I've been wearing the same
pair of jeans for the past three weeks. I left another job and I'm back to
feeling paranoid and hypochondriac-like (hope that’s spelled correctly).
The
only book I can pick up is The Purpose Driven Life and not even the thought of
some media hype can trigger me from these jitters. I trust that I got decaf
when I ordered it through the window. I trust that stuff will start sinking in
and that it’s not some vain work. I trust that By the end of this blog I'll be
over with self-pity once and for all.
Sydney"
Mr. Carney read.
"That
was weird." Replied Gregg.
"Yeah,
I never understand what she's talking about." Laughed Mr. Carney
"Yeah,
she's a weirdo." Gregg laughed.
"Is
she still working for that inventor?" Asked Mr. Carney
"Oh
Stan, who knows. I think she’s working at a bakery in Indiana." Replied
Gregg.
Carney
was outside painting his father’s balcony on a ladder while his dad read the
paper at the kitchen table inside drinking his one cup of coffee. His large
husky build and bushy eye brows were well balanced with his height of 6'8. The
lit up joy of being a grandfather beamed across his face. A large swan comes
darting into the water batting its wings rapidly into a suddenly slow and
smooth glide. The splashes of water left rippling waves to the shore line of
the large pond. There are willow trees outside swaying in the wind and the
smell of leaves burning as fall season slowly makes its way through the soft
and delicate suburbs of Palos Heights, IL. While Carneys dad golf’s in Indiana,
and drives to the north side of Chicago near the lake he is able to take his
granddaughter out for a Chicago style hot dog and pizza.
"Finish
up out there, and come inside." Said Carneys dad.
"I'll
be out here for a while, I still have to dab up all the wet paint off the
pavement below the deck." Carney replied.
"Yeah
well, your dinner will be cold then, and you'll have to heat it up in the
microwave. I know you don't like reheating food." Said Carneys dad.
"Thanks
for the warning dad." Carney shouted in reply.
While
his family is away, his dad and older brother Charles, Carney enjoys cutting
fresh vegetables and grilling them, and baking casseroles for his neighbors on
most holidays. He moved out over ten years ago and had become a developed
apartment consultant in north Chicago. Carney majored in film and put his film
career away. Stashed away collecting dust were three reels of 6mm film projects
in his studio closet along Wolcott Ave. and Montrose Ave. where he kept as
unfinished work. What he didn't know what that he was sitting on a gold mine.
Those three films became top selling movies in Chicago, and sales began to grow
rapidly across the west. Film directors began calling to get a hold of his
films and extend them with modern film day fashion. Yet with the economy in a
downward slope with the recession Carney waited to release any plans that he
had with his films.
His
steady focus and patience on slicing of vegetables brings a nice flavor on the
BBQ grill. After long hours on the phone with tenants during the day, he enjoys
his time with his dog and watching movies late in the night. He doesn't sleep
well, and sleeps late into the morning. The afternoons are spend at the
beginning of each month at the library where for hours on end he uses the
computers for posting apartments to Craigslist, and for entertainment purposes.
Most of the time he is too busy on his cell phone with clients calling in to
see apartments and schedule set ups. Taking the time to get credit checks, and
back ground checks Gregg gets assistant with from Amy an ex-girlfriend who
lives nearby who writes a column in a newsletter of hers and has a daughter in
college. She was a wine expert from exotic wines from mysterious places around
the world and in her moments of candor Amy fearlessly lit up a room with her
light hearted laughter and wealth knowledge on wine.
Days
were long and stretched out with forced productivity that grew into powerful
forces of careful duty of patience, endurance, and restoration during the
recession. Neutrality, and nothingness defined the long dreadful frigid winter
season in Chicago with hope for escapism. Simply, a hot cup of gourmet coffee
stirred a cool attitude into a humble maturity and Gregg paid for Sydney’s gas
to drive him to apartment showings as they hoped to rent units that have been
vacant for months.
There
wasn't anything Gregg was more sure about than his commitment to his community,
honesty, accountability, and sharing. Faithfully Carney continued to confront
landlords about his style and tenants. Carney and his dad visit each other a
couple days each month over lunch and talk about family and friends. Sydney has
often visited with them and has even enjoyed meeting Greggs toddler niece
Caroline. She brings Carney a smile with each visit. Her blonde hair and brown
eyes stand out over her child seat chair dancing while she amuses her uncle and
grandpa knowing all the words to the latest song by a new music group. The song
is called "Moves Like Jaggar."
In
any which way, she is a smart toddler, and a well mannered one. Gregg enjoys
watching the news at his friend Arnies apartment down the street over brat
worst’s and chips a couple times a year. They have known each other since high
school. Arnie is in his late thirties as well and works as a cook at an Irish
Restaurant by the college he is taking classes at on Wilson Ave. near the brown
line stop. He is an attractive brown haired, tall and thin man with a mustache
and curly hair. He's an only child who shows all the colors an only child
shines helplessly.
The
only hope there is in an only child is that grandma and grandpa guide his every
step alongside mother. In Arnies' case it is too late to tell. He is already
going on forty and set in his way. Fortunately, his cherub grin, pale face, and
curls bring out a light and angelic first impression. There is a slow caution
in his voice, and a witty intellect for current events in his antics that are
welcoming. Armies work in the restaurant field brought strong hospitable
qualities to his house guests, and the kindness he radiates naturally brings
his house guests comfort and a care-free attitude.
He
rides his bike around and enjoys having a few beers with Gregg once in a blue
moon. Gregg takes his dog out into the lake at the dog beach and wades with him
as the puppy learns to swim. Yet Gregg doesn't think the pup is a good swimmer.
The day he was given Benny, was the happiest day of his summer. As Benny was
about to be put down by the city, Ken his neighbor rescued him and cared for
him with his own two dogs until Gregg came and brought him home. Home was just
upstairs from Kens apartment so everyone kept in touch and visited each other
over cook outs and dog walks.
"Hey
Carney, does Benny need to go for a walk? I'm heading out with the other
dogs." Ken asked.
"Yeah,
take Benny with you. Thanks Ken." Gregg responded.
"Keep
the leash on. He needs to stay on his leash so he doesn't go off running to
hang out with the other dogs." Ken said.
"He's
coming down to you. Let me get his leash." Said Gregg.
"Is
he eating his dog food?" Asked Ken.
"Yeah."
Answered Gregg.
Ken
worked with a staffing company in Skokie,IL where he served for catering
companies. Sydney had seen him at one of the staffing companies events in which
she worked there as well. The agency brought groups of temp servers together
for events as museums, and holiday festivals. It was then she seen Ken living
below Carneys apartment. Carney made some casserole and served everyone when
the dogs returned from their afternoon walk. After several beers and a football
game he was ready for bed. He thought about Ripley often, and usually talked to
her on the phone about her new job and all the things they said.
Greggs
poetry became more and more prominent after dating Ripley and he often
rehearsed it during parties. He speaks with eloquence and strong compelling
passion about justice for the poor, city crime, and motherhood among young
African American adolescents. His ability to empathizes and show strong empathy
radiates in his poetry as he too had lost his mother in his early twenties, not
long after a car accident that took his car off the road rolling over to the
other side of the freeway after he had fallen asleep behind the wheel.
What
happened during the last few moments before the he lost control of the car? Why
did it happen to Carney? How would it change his life, past, present, and
future? Why afterward Sydney wondered did she make choices so firmly. She felt
she held tightly to everything as if she lost something permanent during her
car accident.
"This
will never happen again. If I can make sure of it, not to me or anyone if I can
help it." Sydney cried.
"There
are so many car accidents everywhere you look in the news." Carney said.
"Yes
but I'm talking about your car accident, my car accident and the journey of
change that traumatic moment brought on our lives." Sydney stated.
"I
moved on Sydney. I moved forward." Carney replied.
"I'm
thankful I'm here today and want to see youth free from drinking and driving
pressures and traps." Sydney said.
Chapter 3 Benny
Gregg
lived in his unit for five years and his hopes came true for a fresh new place
when he found another apartment for himself and his dog Benny. This is the
effects I assume from a severe car accident years ago: the long term
unpredictable transformation of an individual’s life unfolding in choices
unfathomable to comprehend under the simple fact there was no way to unravel
the healings and growth as once was predicted before the accident.
This
gives a parent a different set of rules and maps to parent the survivor. A
horrible aftermath of blossoming change in one’s life. The consequences growing
exponentially. Who cares about dealing with trauma? Could it be that trauma and
addiction mean the same thing? Could it be that each moment you want to let it
go the effects pull harder on your rope of faith, and self control? Is it the
family and friends? Is it the survivors who care? I've learned over the years
that it is all of the above.
Sidney
found solace and safety being with Gregg as they walked to apartments around
the city to show because of a certain loss she had with the driver of her dads
truck during her car accident maybe. Gregg being the driver of his vehicle
during the car accident he was in under very different circumstances yet enough
similarity for Sydney.
Dear
Gregg,
How
are you? I have zero tolerance.
When
you miss a flight that has connections and are put on standby be ready to be on
standby if you are switching planes as well. Airtran usually has only two
flights a day I heard from someone so the third flight although all seats were
filled up for the day brought my hopes up that I wouldn't be waiting in the
terminal all day and then tomorrow on standby.
My
mom gave me her credit card, and dad gave me $50.00 cash. I bought lunch and
souvenirs with the cash and just held the credit card for emergencies. I sat in
Atlanta Georgia for 6 hours and read my Bible studying the NT between lunch
when my sister called to inform me that she and Allen her boyfriend bought me a
100-150 dollar ticket on Southwest Airlines to Chicago.
The
flight picked us up at 7:00pm and I didn't have to wait until 9:20p another 5
hours when the 5:00pm connection flight was full. I ate a taco, with chips and
dialed phone numbers from different spiritual programs that I am involved in.
There is a feeling of restlessness and cold moods since it is a place of just
coming and going on the clock. I found some warmth and comfort in the Olympics
game on the large flat screens in the bars with cute names.
I
didn't sit in the bar but near the windows along the terminal seats and waited
in prayer. My fear subsides greatly in watching little kids with their mothers,
and fathers as it reminded me of my family together and being with a group. The
cold bouts of being by myself fizzled when I began planning what I could do
with the credit card in my pocket if the weather delayed flights, or I needed
to get a hotel room. Thank God for the credit card and mom who permitted me to
have it.
Maybe
I was in tears from being up from 3a to 7p on the plane home from Atlanta
Georgia’s connection to Chicago Midway Airport. Maybe it was overwhelming
thankfulness that I was going home. There is a big difference when you don't
travel with groups and when you do. Not even the best plans and resources kept
me strong after missing my flight at 6am. I talked to Dave and we read Psalms
103. We walked an Epilepsy Race in Chicago this summer and played Monopoly a
few times. He called a few times during the week while I stayed on the island
and was very funny and nice. He lifted my spirits during all the coming and
going with dinners and activities with my family. Everyone during the trip the
whole time was partnered up and I wasn't and it does take a toll on your buddy
up system.
I
learned so much the whole time like no bonfires on the beach. Removing linens
off beds before leaving, and how much people care when you feel in the dumps.
When I got into Chicago I felt depressed about being back and wanted to go
back. I was looking at all the flights out to other locations and thinking of
the credit card in my pocket and what it would be like to start over letting
the imagination run a little amok. First flight that popped up on the monitor
was Las Vegas.
After
the frenzy of dreams passed I quickly went to get a snack and then sat at the
bus station exhausted and tired from the long day of the miss your flight
domino effect. The comfort of charging my phone, drinking lots of water,
napping, and reading kept me tamed. Yet at the end of the day I was anxious to
get home. The lady in Crestwood IL would not take my credit card since it
needed to be signed by the owner which was my mother and so I waited 5 more
hours at the bus terminal for the 11:50p bus to pick me up. Between those hours
I read the NT and prayed a little more.
The
gas station across the street had an ATM but mom spent an hour on the phone
getting a password for the credit card and then texted it to me. I was getting
more drained and thought I was going to pass out but I truly believe the Holy
Spirit was moving me because I wasn't afraid but vigilant and I bought a few
kids a pack of cigarettes and they helped me carry a 24 case of bottled water
over to the bus station. Mom called and talked to the cashier there and ordered
the next bus to come and I waited not relying on my ex-boyfriend to pick me up.
Both
the bus and the ex showed up at the same time and I took the ride with my ex
and got my $30.00 refund for the bus going to Indiana. I heard while I was
leaving, "Senorita! Senorita! Your water bottles!" After seeing this
nice friend shouting at me that way, it felt like an old western movie ending
and I answered that way and said, "OH, just throw them away!" That’s
the kind of answer I imagine after a long day of enduring hardship after
hardship May West would say.
It’s
funny though in the car its after you spend time apart that your ex looks nice
and acts nice and I thought nice car and then I remembered something, that it
had been a long day and I was happy to be going where I needed to go at the
moment.
Thanks,
Sydney
She
could feel a sense of common ground with Gregg that in the simplest way sealed
a lost soul, hers. Sydney wondered if Gregg could feel a sense of freedom too.
Could she be a little something that brought assurance, acceptance, and belief
from a car crash, the way she believed he was for her. Gregg walked into his
closet of his clothes hung up on hangers and often dressed very casually for
his long walks along North Chicago east side.
Maybe
he wasn't looking or needed to identify that, and just let things go easier or
differently. All in all Sydney felt anything was possible through God. Sydney’s
short small fingers often dangled a rolled cigarette that Gregg rolled for her
each morning before appointments. Then she got his coffee from across the
streets coffee shop and fill the tank of her dads car, and they were off to showing
apartments.
Her
jeans and tee shirts tucked in mostly with a suit jacket were business casual.
Sometimes she wore new blouses that her mother would buy for her each year. She
became his secretary in no time, and yet long drives to her second job were tiring
and depleting of spirit. There was no pay in the first couple years of
residential showings, and technically she was just a friend of Greggs who she
took photographs of the apartments and drove on occasion to apartments.
Chapter 2 Sydney Tales
The
north side of Chicago near the lake echoed downtown voices about work, and
traffic. The green grass and large trees along the streets brought the north
side neighborhoods a warm and friendly community relief from a long commute
after work. The bicycle laws increased as well as bus and vehicle laws with new
cameras and road paths for bikes. Every once and a while a biker was hit by the
crammed streets of rush hour traffic.
"After
my accident I began to spend my time with a man who played guitar up in his loft,
and rode a Harley Davidson. I wrote a page about him in my journal referring
him to Uncle Ted as his nick name in the story. Can I read it to you?"
Asked Sydney.
"Sure
Sydney." Replied Gregg.
"Thanks
Carney, it’s called Uncle Ted in My Head." Said Sydney
"
My desire for Uncle Ted blossomed more and more in my heart, in my imagination,
and as I begin to see what life meant to me. I wrote love letters to him during
college, and cooked and cleaned for him after college. He would only marry for
love, and I wanted more than love. But I didn't know what more there was in
this world than love, and I didn't know even what love actually defined. I
could only believe that its every essence was in the midst of all of life. But
who could believe something that was nothing, nothing but a sweet voice of
words. Words like, I love you that build and grow into something that people
cannot really clarify.
I
wanted to be Uncle Ted, and know him from the inside of his mind. Well, I
didn't know what I was doing or what I wanted nor do I still after all these
years. Uncle Ted I could truly never define to my life but what I believed and
that wasn't matching up to anything. It was the days I didn't think at all that
caused Uncle Ted and I to bond, to see each other as we were, and these small
instances were priceless.
I
wanted to identify with him, and in spite of my confession or carelessness of
it, Uncle Ted became an exhausted obsession gone cold. He loved me, yet we had
no true understanding of one another. So then through all the yearning and
burning of effortless words that melted off of Uncle Ted's coarse heart for me,
what was it that he loved about me I can only wonder aimlessly about, and what
was it that I was disappointed about his love for me, or lack of it? I thought
and thought everyday about it. It all became such a confident choice of
thoughts that I felt would be shaping my life with him. Yet the more I thought
of Uncle Ted the less he was around.
I
became attached to my imagination of Uncle Ted that reality with him became the
imaginable. And I didn't know it, but the reality of anything is where it
hurts, because it doesn't change. Whets done and said remains. And I enjoyed
warping and charming my imagination much more because it was there I made no
mistakes. In reality, I was a fuck up and always in shame and in fear. I
cheated, and lied in reality. I never knew what I wanted, and in my head is
where I felt I could bring into life. But I found that my reality and
imagination were not matching up, and each were two separate worlds.
I
was desperate to bring them together, to be a team and work together to bring
well, I don't know, peace, love, joy, and happiness. And so many other things.
But it was taking too long, and time was not waiting for me. In the mean time,
Uncle Ted was growing farther and farther from me, more and more distant. We
became hostile and bitter toward each other and didn't even know why.
Life
was obedience, cooperation, and discipline. Life was anything that you made it
to be. It was a chance to chose and to gain what you wanted, desired, and
learned. To grow bigger, and smarter at a trade useful to society and to the
world. Who the fuck knows what all that means? I could keep rambling on about
this philosophical bullshit, and spiritual insight, but the more you hold true
to it in your heart, whatever you believe, it will become an obsession, and a
dwelling. Then it all turns to a longing when you look right over it all, and
then when you look right in front of you straight into obsessions eyes and you
see you had it all along, you forget it wasn't yours and never was yours nor
could ever be all yours. Greed sets in, and it slips out of your focus once
again, and again depending on how long you held on to it.
This
trap called life some will say depends on your outlook on a given situation. It
is inevitable to fall into tangles, and it is inevitable to change your train
of thought to avoid such matters, yet the very second you save yourself from
falling and create healthy change for yourself, is the very second you lose all
you ever dreamed of accomplishing. Uncle Ted, was my example of lost dreams.
"
Sydney
said.
"Wow
Sydney this doesn't sound anything like you." Gregg said.
"Thanks?"
Replied Sydney.
"When
did you write that?" Asked Gregg.
"Over
six years ago, around 2006. I was sitting near a cottage of friends and
finishing the story up and left most of it over there at the cottage in
Michigan three years after the car accident. Uncle Ted is a real person
seventeen years older than I who I looked up to and admired. I thought it was
an obsession I had and so I fled from the nice relationship." Sydney
replied.
"Why?
I'm sure you can go back." Gregg stated.
"No,
no." Sydney responded.
"I've
never seen that side of you before. That was the you?" Gregg asked.
"Yes
and I thank God that I can appreciate the change of heart I've sort had since
then. I'm living in the questions easier about moving forward." Sydney
responded.
Sydney
was excited to share her feelings that stemmed from the viewpoint she never
could fathom of what her driver in the accident was going through and went
through afterward. She heard and believed that he was better. That Jim went to
church afterward some years ago and yet she couldn't let go. She chose to hold
on to the endless journey of her car accident that set her apart.
Dear
Gregg,
This
is a beautiful song by Matthew West. Title: Forgiveness.
It’s
a story about a mother who lost her daughter to a drunk driver.
Listen
to the words and let it ring through the hearts of all alcoholics for healing
and recovery.
I've
been sober three years by the grace of God and in AA have fellowship to see me
through my own traumatic car crash when I was 21 years of age. My name is
Katherine Reyna and I thank the program of AA who have taught me to enjoy my
life again and keep my sobriety by sharing others hopes, and stories. As a
young woman in my early twenties I had seen the drink as a way of socializing
with friends and family. I always knew in the pit of my stomach that each drink
I held in my hand wasn't the way of maturity, or fitting in. The drink in my
hand that became a more habit growing part of my social life was a false belief
of handling stress, peer pressure, growing up, and being cool. I learned there
isn't a way of drinking that is better than another’s way. I learned that
drinking is always a messy and disorderly choice. Even when things were really
out of control in my life and or the excitement of seeing my friends party
while I was in my early twenties, the drink was a false motive of making things
better.
In
my teens I only had a Zima at a party where I made out with a really popular
and handsome football player who was older than me. Then my next drink wasn't
until I was 19 or 20 years of age. It was then that I drank my first orange
juice with a shot of hard liquor and the goofy feelings made me spaced out and
feeling clueless about what was going on around me. This made others laugh so I
laughed too and thought my unattached and floating feelings were just new ways
to get others to laugh with me. I never felt they were laughing at me. I then
turned to wine coolers and that turned into boxed wine.
My
first year in college I met my college boyfriend and after class, homework, and
tests we drank heavily together. We finished off bottles of vodka, whiskey, and
several beers every weekend. Eventually we grew more and more distant when we
decided to go away to college our first two years. I began dating someone else
secretly going to bars and getting loaded up on shots with the new boyfriend
after my GPA away from home brought me back home to raise it up at a community
college. The peer pressures of meeting new people, having an abundance of
responsibilities with books, papers, computer labs, tests to study, finding
balance with work, friends, and school as a adolescent was an automatic
rewarding feeling. I drank to celebrate. I drank to alleviate. I drank
sometimes just to drink. The bottle became a part of my life style and I didn't
think it was a problem as long as I did well in school, obeyed the traffic laws
and other rules and regulations in college and at home or in the dorms.
My
life was a normal, healthy, and regular life as I was reaching the age of 21. I
felt the normal aches and pains of growing up, eating healthy, managing time,
getting rest, and making decisions from long term to short term. I was
confidant, happy to be shopping for the latest trends, and preparing for the
work force through my university. I listened to the latest music, volunteered
for the college paper writing about the special events around campus, and had
fun at parties. There was tremendous amounts of pressure for me during this
time in making the best choices in dating my long time boyfriend, thinking
about careers, marriage, and a family. I was ready to do these things all at
once or being flexible I was open to different orders of each milestone of
life. Then in 2001, a month after the World Trade Center was attacked by terrorists,
I was home for the summer working full time. The man I began seeing secretly
going to bars and getting loaded up on shots behind my boyfriends back became
more intimate. I was going to break up with him because I talked to my
boyfriend and told him everything about the man at work I was dating behind his
back, and I told him I was going to stop going out with him. My boyfriend and I
agreed to work the trust problems out.
The
last date with the man from my work turned out to be a another drinking binge
and we hit a tree with my dad’s truck. I didn't tell him that that night was
going to be the last night I would see him and wasn't going to tell him. The
horrific car accident put me in the hospital intoxicated with severe head and
stomach wounds. He had to spend time in jail for driving under the influence
and bodily harm to another person. My friends and family watched me in bandages
and being fed through a needle for two weeks. My boyfriend took the semester
off to stay with me in the hospital. After coming home I continued to drink
heavily against doctors orders after a year. I sat in bars alone. I was 21
years of age and picked myself up with courage and strength and graduated with
my boyfriend from university with a bachelors degree. We both continued to
party and drink, and I never saw the man I was seeing from my summer job again
after a few letters back in forth about my recovery. He apologized and said he
quit drinking and was going to church. That was the last I heard from him.
Today I am compelled to learn about his recovery since I've been three years
sober.
I
began to see another man that I had met just before my car accident behind my
boyfriends back. That’s when I began attempts to break up with my boyfriend.
Yet the drinking was getting worse. I began working, and drinking bottles of
wine for the next ten years. The rough streak of alcoholism has its mysteries.
In AA I listened to others stories, hopes, and experiences that lead me in 2009
to 3 years of sobriety by the grace and mercy of God. For me alcoholism in my
youth was pushing my life, dreams, goals, ideas, and happiness under a rug and
leaving them there as lost and unfulfilled. I learned quickly in AA that we are
powerless over alcohol. It took me less than ten years to see that the painful
cycle was enough. Yet moving forward in sobriety took me in my late 20's to
stop the drinking, it didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen in five years.
This strong hold had me by the neck longer than I wanted. I thought when I'm
ready I'll stop. I thought when I want I will take control of this like
everything else I managed well according to my teachers, and family.
At
the age of 24,25,26,27,28,29 my drinking career was coming to a end. God knows
the troubles I had to stop what I had started. All else is a mystery. I wanted
in my twenties to be the best at everything I did. I did my best. I networked,
I took the train to work in the city, I met wonderful people along the way of
growing up simply and modestly in my twenties. I am thankful to God for this
wonderful life. I believe even through the drinking years during weddings,
birthdays, graduations, house parties, dates, movies, sports games, after work
socials, near the pool side, on planes, on trains, and during the toughest of
times if I was going to slow down, enjoy the family and friends I have, and
make a difference in the world sobriety was a great start. Today after my car
crash at the age of 21 years of age all I can say to the youth of this
generation is don't drink. I hope you can hear the echoes of others as I have
through these song lyrics by Matthew West before you decide to pick up another
drink.
Syd
It's
the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you got to right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just to real
It takes everything you have just to say the word...
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It's always anger's own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you got to right to hold a grudge
It's the whisper in your ear saying 'Set It Free'
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible
Forgiveness
I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness
She
learned a lot about compassion being with Gregg. The car accident wasn't as
rigid in memory anymore. She could believe more in herself as she imagined
Gregg's position as the driver he explained he was during a horrendous car
crash. Sydney only held anger from fear buried someplace deep down that she
didn't take let heal. Her worst fear had taken place. She could hear the echoes
of her comrade in college saying what goes around comes around. His question,
"why," rang and rang through her heart.
There
would be no one to replace him. There was no making up for the loss of her
closest friend in the world, Jam. Jam sat at her bedside every day after
Sydney’s car accident. He was worthy of loving her to the end. Jam wanted to
know why Sydney wanted to end their relationship.
They
had been best friends through the long years of studying and test taking,
family vacations, and growing up together. He was there for her and she blamed
him for the car accident. She couldn't forgive him. She was thankful that he
was there for her through her recovery from the head and stomach wounds. Jam
wanted to stay together and Sydney hoped to work things out with him but they
parted ways after college as work took them down different avenues. Everything
she felt she should have done with Jam and Ted during the time of her car crash
felt caged up inside her without release yet she always had the key. Why she
didn't turn the key was her erupting responsibility spilling out all over her
future. She had made bad choices leading her to her fate to day of long studies
in the Bible and reconnecting with Godly woman.
Chapter 3 JAM
Jam
wanted to stay in the small town they grew up in, and Sydney left for the city.
She hoped to escape the affliction that her car crash had left her. The
pressure of intense pain and grief lingered long after her doctor appointments
of EEG's and MRI's, counseling, jobs, and social life. Nothing was the same. No
matter how hard she wanted to stay and remain who she was she felt more and
more detached and estranged from the healthy and wholesome young woman she was
before the crash. She thought of running away constantly.
She
left to Key West with no plans to return to Chicago to her family. The trauma
of her drinking and driving finally took its toll the night of October 29th,
2001 when she gave the keys of her dads Dodge Ram red truck to her date Jim
Henry a tall, dark blonde man with dark brown eyes and a creative spirit for
fun that Sydney adored. For example, he dressed up with a turban over his head
and painted his face brown for Halloween. They went to a party together after
work. He cared for her, and was happy. Their dates were short and few. A little
went a long way. They were loved at the clubhouse where they worked as servers
during the summer before Sydney left for college. It was where they met and
road down the golf course on their breaks after long hours of serving food to
wedding guests, and corporate guests. Everyone had their rounds of Seven and
Sevens, rum and cokes, and champagne toasts.
They
had fun together, and laughed a lot during their short, and yet fast romance.
What followed was a young dream paved with drinking, driving and secrets. She
planned to tell Jim she was getting back together with Jam but it was too late
the car crash they both we in set them apart and tied for eternity. It was
after two celebrations, heavy drinking, and a single drive home that put these
two young adults in a place of devastation and heart ache that changed their
lives, dreams, plans, and va
Jam
left roses, called daily, stopped by to visit, talked to her parents for
months, and Sydney couldn't be found. The adrenaline rush left soon after she
got better, and with the concussion and other surgery she spend long hours in
libraries researching books on trauma, brain injury, drinking and driving, car
crashes, and viewed photos of youth and drinking and driving. There were more
dying youth in drinking and driving accidents than she ever imagined leaving
her furious, ashamed, horrified, and mortified she buried herself in research
on health, psychology, philosophy, and religion.
Jam
wasn't there anymore and she couldn't accept anyone else or open up. The news
on the television and in the newspapers were filled with youth and drinking and
driving. The devastation of hurt, wounds, and destruction of reoccurring youths
dying from choices to drink cried louder and louder in Sydney’s ears, eyes, and
heart. Jam finally stopped calling, didn't stop by to visit Sydney anymore, and
their memories began to swell her heart and she remained silent hoping the
noise of it all would just stop.
It
wasn't the car accident that was the easiest to handle for everyone, it wasn't
the recovery of physical or emotional wounds that made life better either for
Sydney, and the light at the end of the tunnel was nowhere in sight when she
learned more about other youth who were drinking and driving out there. When
she learned she had become a statistic of another tragic youth in a car
accident, it was hard to feel like daddy's little girl and the best friend who
was always there. It became difficult to be that loving daughter and sister
when she could only search for answers and peace. Why was the relief of God
less prominent, and more like a glimmer? It was us walking in the sand in Gods
arms. There was no way of budging or struggling out of Gods arms. Exhaustion
fumed and fatigue steamed her attitude flat lining her style and grace.
She
remembered getting her work clothes on for job interviews became a duty, and a
determination. She sat for long foggy bouts on the staircase each morning
watching her mother getting ready for work. She saw work as an escape when
before work was a future, a career that would lead her into her dream job.
The
significance in restoration of people in fragile, frail, and worthy of faith
where survivors and strength permits. It took Sydney years of opening and
closing her past to move forward. She learned time had nothing to do with it.
She hoped for a perfect world. She hoped for the best for the persons who were
affected by the growth and healing period of trauma, or addiction.
Chapter 4 The Harmony of Squirrels
Along
the Chicago neighborhoods the trees lay across every block gracefully amongst
the continuous road construction. One way streets are scattered between three
major cross sections within ten miles of each other. There are trails of broken
acorn shells and squirrels running up and down trees. Carney grew up in Chicago
born and raised. Sidney a brunette who just turned 30 spent hours at a realtor
office on Montrose where she met Gregg for coffee once a week. She was from the
south suburbs of Indiana and trying to find herself. She lived with her
boyfriend Arnold, who just graduated from DePaul University with a Bachelors
Degree in Finance. Arnold moved with Sydney to four different apartments all in
the north side of Chicago, and the recently they were only a few blocks away
from the Realty Office where she helped an old man around by filing, picking up
his medicine, and driving him to his doctor appointments.
All
she found was that she was always in the wrong places and with the wrong people
in the city, and was just days away to moving back home with her parents until
she met some wonderful church friends and began studying the Bible. She feared
she was wasting her life away. She feared she wasn't thankful enough to God.
She feared trust. Yet she began to trust and be thankful with obedience to God
to learn agape love. One book after another she began reading studying the NT.
She started with Song of Solomon, and 1 Corinthians and spent most of her free
time researching the NT, and the Apostle Paul’s journeys through: Galatia,
Thessalonica, Delmatia, Crete, Ephesis, Troas, Antioch, Iconium, Lystra, Rome,
Nicopolis, Asia, Smyrna, Pergamos, Thyatira, Sardis, and Philadelphia.
Gregg
showed Sydney his interest in film by sharing his college experiences as a film
student at Carbondale University, and music through his Led Zeppelin and Jim
Morrison albums and books, and they both enjoyed poetry reading in groups at
coffee places and meeting with other poets. Sydney hoped to start a poetry
group that met consistently. As one group of actors and poets began to form, it
faded out do to work hours and school hours. Sydney left out of town for work
for months at a time and still met for coffee with Gregg sharing her new
writings while he would share his ideas and corrections for her.
Aside
from work and the pressures of living a Chicago lifestyle, Sydney felt strong
feelings for Carney who was the driver of a horrendous car crash. His body was
crushed under a oncoming car after he was thrown from the vehicle he was in. He
told her what happened repeatedly and each time was a blur for her to imagine
and even grasp. Sometimes she didn't want to believe it and for the first time
discovered face to face with Carney that all her questions about her own
traumatic experience were not the only questions she had. She hoped to learn
about what happened to Carney. She feared she wouldn't be brave enough to hear
his story. She felt she couldn't help him.
"Hey
Carney could I get a cigarette?" Sydney asked.
"Yeah
sure." Carney replied.
"Congratulations
on renting out those apartments on Dear creek Rd. Gregg!" Exclaimed
Sydney.
"Thanks!
I have money for you too." Said Gregg.
"Your
money is no good to me." Sydney said.
"But
I owe you for gas." Gregg pleaded.
"Forget
it." Sydney stated abruptly.
Carney
was calm and cool. He was regimental and diligent. Could this be Jim, the
driver of the vehicle who had no injuries? She couldn't remember. She hoped to
dig up the jewels of her past. Jewels she buried away deep and misplaced them.
Her car crash happened a month after 9.11. The healing of a nation was moving
forward. The hopes and waves of prayers for the lives taken in the Twin Towers
were immense. Stronger than anything she ever could ask. All her problems were
nothing in comparison to the countries recovery after the horrific attack on
9.11. She hoped to be strong for the families and lives that remained and they
were the ones who kept her alive.
Aside
from the irony, compassion filled in the holes of insecurities and fear of
Carney. No one was hurt in Gregg's vehicle but him, the driver, yet Jims
passenger, Sydney has severe internal injuries. Jim was intoxicated. Gregg fell
asleep at the wheel. Both accidents occurred after midnight. Jim went to jail,
Gregg didn't. It wasn't irony that would bring her peace, but self control,
hope, faith, love, patience, and forgiveness. She held on to the thought of
almost dying and almost going into a coma. She was thankful to be a alive after
hearing that she had almost died. She went through a list of what ifs such as
-what if I was paralyzed from the waist down, what if I went into a coma, what
if the internal bleedings were reoccurring in her brain and through the years
her future was undetermined to be seizure free. She hoped to silence these
fears that escalated with a punishing aftertaste for "drinking and
driving."
All
the correlations of each car accident wouldn't change what happened but Sydney
found endurance in hardship. forbearance, and a little more patience in the
traumatic essence which stemmed from a horrific night in the presence and
comaradity of meeting Gregg after ten years of temporary office assignments in
the Loop, and in north Chicago. Trauma occurs quickly, and while everyone else
is ready to move on, Sydney felt pure adrenaline that she survived, and
transformed into a new person.
Although
mentally she was seeing that she was overjoyed and ready, her body was not
feeling the same way and in fact for a long time was not ready bringing her
much pressure from others and herself as she became aware that moving forward
would be about waiting for the body to getting stronger and hopefully back to
the way it used to be. Or maybe it was that her youthful body of 21 years of
age was bursting with energy and readiness to go on and move forward but her
car accident changed her life, her plans, thinking, morals, values, and
perspectives of her environment around her and the world.
Chapter 4 Ripley
As
a film major in his early twenties Gregg was able to create his own films. He
completed a documentary on a blind man who traveled by bus to a ball game where
they witnessed a legendary home run. He got a job working in a film office in
Chicago and for ten years has resided there with no plans to leave. The style
and grace in his friendly embrace of apartment tenants freshly looking for a
place to live give ease and order to the often slow economy. He is in his late
thirties, and drinks on the weekends with his friends over BBQs and classic
rock music. Ripley a young blue eyed blond fair skinned tall willowy woman just
coming out of a divorce shared lovely poetry with Gregg and romantic walks
along the beach with her dog Charlie. She wore a yellow summer dress one day
during the summer and Sydney drove her, Gregg, and Charlie to Montrose Marina
and the dog beach. Afterward, they all stopped at the grocery store and Gregg
bought a pizza and Sydney picked up some dog snacks for Charlie.
Ripley
got a job downtown as a doctor soon after finishing her finals. After dating
Ripley for a year they decided to part ways and concentrate on work, yet remain
friends. One of Ripley's poems written below to Gregg when they were together
for a short time is written below in which Gregg kept after their break up.
A
Short Short Poem: Infinitely Bankrupt
Hands
held high hold hearts of pie.
The
circling lives of you and I ready to focus on the incredulous guy.
As
I'm brought back to you while everyone is pointing at me; I celebrate
the
moments we are so in sync I hope you see.
There
is no person, place, or thing on earth that can part us.
How
easy it is to be clobbered, hammered, and booed having
you
and I stuck like glue. Truly, when I know the row of life
is
no show, I'm happy to be the one you love.
Love
always,
Ripley
Chapter 5 Annette
Another
woman he met at a festival, a slender, dark haired beauty was a Pilates
instructor who traveled out of town a lot. She came along for his apartment
showings, and cut Gregg's hair with her clippers. She owned an apartment on the
beach with an in ground pool. She was mostly out of town. Most nights he spent
in watching the ball game or when Sydney came they'd eat a hearty steak while
watching the ball game on his television.
Often
times Carney left his doors unlocked during the night and peculiar people would
come in and vandalize his belongings such as his stereo while breaking his
televisions. Whether it was from drinking too much and blacking out or from
being too gullible or naive, Gregg's apartment became an unsafe environment for
him and his dog Benny. Benny, is a bright eyes Doberman Pincher is well
trained, obedient, and playful. At times he is aggressive with other dogs but
is learning to be a good listening with patience and is never a handful for
Gregg.
"Annette’s
coming with me to show the apartment in Andersonville so just drop me
off." Gregg said.
"Where
you both going on Friday?" Asked Sydney
"She's
going out of town again this weekend, maybe for a drink." Gregg replied.
"Take
her to the park, go for a walk, you don't have to go all out and spend a
grand." Sydney stated.
"Yea
yea probably next week. I'll just tell her I'll be with my niece this
weekend." Gregg responded.
"Cool,
just remember it’s just about spending time and getting to know each
other." Sydney said.
"She's
going to a kid birthday party to day." Gregg said.
"Oh
that’s nice. Go there and bring her some animal balloons." Sydney said.
"That’s
a good idea. If I can get these appointments done." Gregg said.
"She's
in great shape." Sydney said.
"Yeah
she does Pilates. She’s in her late thirties, single, and lives by the
lake." Gregg said.
"Well
that will definitely relieve the stress of woman in relationships, or coming
out of relationships for you. She’s a Godsend." Sydney said.
"A
Godsend?" Gregg asked.
"Never
mind, I just mean that you both have the right timing of meeting and getting to
know each other on the same level." Sydney stated.
"Yea,
she seems interested in dating and with her busy schedule too I can understand
that since I have a flexible schedule too." Gregg said.
"Hey
Gregg, do you have time to hear my short story? It’s not that long." Asked
Sydney
"Sure
ok, hurry up because I have phone calls to make." Gregg replied.
"This
one is a little confusing but here it goes." Stated Sydney
"
The
October rain was warm. The morning gray sky met the tops of buildings and trees
with uncertainty and a beam of hope. Looking for a new job in the Chicago area
while working young Abby thought, can be exhausting. When it’s the end of the
work day, instead of the boss you see sitting by you, you see your true colors
come out as exhaustion creeps its suffocating all your senses. Abby feared she
over thought herself. It was that time for Dora, 5:00p.m. and the city streets
piling up with mostly four door SUVs and economical family sized used vehicles.
Abby was very thoughtful of Dora. Dorsa boss is Stan Myers. Stan a 6'8, 82 year
old man who delighted in the lotto and horoscope updates was certain with only
to check his Ford stock and email with Dora. Everything else she couldn't do
right.
"Dora,
you have really lowered your bar in friendships, employers, and your own
expectations?!" Cried a dumbfounded Abby to her dear friend.
"Abby,
if I stick my nose out into people’s lives, then I won't see my own life."
Said Dora.
"
You need to get it all together. Where is the meat in your dreams? You only
show me the herbs and spices sweetie." Explained Abby more understandingly.
Dora
pushes her bangs from her eyes for the thousandth time since the early morning.
It all began when she was scheduled to be downtown for a job interview. Her
hands were clammy and her normal morning shower and exercise routine were put off
without a doubt. Ten hours had already gone by since she was swiveling her dry
flyaway golden blonde strands of hair into a delicate pony tail and tucking her
cellular phone as far down into her tote bag as she could. Doras big brown eyes
lit up with the sun light outside and was already moving her four door Malibu
car out of the side streets of Chicago before 8 a.m. when the ticket maids
would come and slap an ugly cardboard rectangle shaped bright neon orange you
get the picture.
From
the nightmare under her boyfriends bathtub of dirt, mold, broken tile, and
cobwebs, was the night mare of another $100 parking ticket. Had the work day
already come to an end? She thought. Had she chosen to really miss her
interview downtown just to spend another day with her real estate boss who
never paid her for the full hours she worked? She spent her lunch breaks
applying for jobs to make up for the lost time with another broker in which
they both sealed a deal on a commission split 25:25. She thought of Stan in worry
and in panic as her phone died, and promptly went to get a charger from the
retail store. Gregory Carmichael was a friend who was also a broker she met for
coffee each day and posted up apartments with. When times were slow they took
Angel and her dog Chuck to the dog beach and walked through art shows.
Doras
phone call to Mickey Porter the broker downtown this week were wavering and
slow compared to her fast paced get it done, and just do it mentality. Mickey
was always out of town, flying in and out for ball games and festivals. She
worried she was doing just the opposite and hoped that she was wrong. Exhausted
she needed to get to bed early for her 5am job at a breakfast franchise called
Goldie’s. Confused when to turn off her sales technique Dora often came out to
strong for her customers and co-workers at Goldies and they mostly shunned her
and kept their distance while they only attempted to have a little fun with
Dora and small talk.
Kindly
Dora folded the last of her boyfriends laundry and sat on his couch which she
felt she stained more than the two cats that laid on them all day long. There
was never a full nights rest at her boyfriend Rico's apartment just a few
blocks from her realtor office her boss owned because of the stressful work
days and her lack of "me time." Her smoking habit grew out of control
and she could see her teeth growing dimly yellow and her breathing was short.
She feared she knew nothing about the word fun in which she heard from one of
the brokers she worked with on an end of week day as she assertively provided
persistence on getting to know more about him.
Mickey
Porter showed her a fast thing or two about how he does things by kindly
responding to her appointments with sincerity that each time was not the right
time. After a dozen calls Dora had caught on that if she was to do anything
more with real estate, she needed to keep floating along until something came
along with tenant and property.
"Dora,
Dora, are you listening honey?" Asked Stan.
"Yea,
I'm listening." She replied.
"Are
you going to hostess my card game tonight with the guys?" Asked Stan.
"No,
I'll be out of town Stan." She answered.
"Well,
sweetheart when will you be back, Stan needs you here.' Stan softly wined.
"Monday.
I'll be in Monday." She said. He knows I come in every Monday, Dora
thought to herself.
The
End." Replied Sydney
"What
was that about? What does it mean? You say the weirdest stuff." Said
Gregg.
"Well
I'm heading home to make dinner for the Arnold. Bye." Replied Sydney
Chapter 5 Amy
After
a fight with an actor friend of Greggs over public indecency Gregg stopped
meeting Sydney or anyone at the coffee place where his actor friend Max worked
between his rehearsals. Amy, Greggs ex girlfriend who remains a strong person
in Greggs life goes to the French Restaurant near by the coffee shop for hot
tea. Her exotic blue eyes, and jet black hair enhances her Italian features and
frame. She dances lovely as Sydney stepped into one of Amy's advanced dance
sessions to ignite her senses and watch the high healed women in dresses with
stringy straps and frill move intimately and side by side to the instructors
deep accented and smooth voice. As Sydney left the class to get to work early
the next morning, she heard the instructor say, "Move to the mountain, the
mountain will not move to you." Amy practices Argentian tango on
Ravenswood St. near Carneys apartment and they meet weekly to plan trips to art
and music festivals in the city, she has a beautiful sway in her gracefully
dance experience and carries herself with elegance throughout Chicago's finest
dance studios.
Her
son came home for the summer to stay with her and took her to a play called
C.S. Lewis vs. Sigmund Freud. Amy's beautiful poetry signifies her rich
knowledge and experience of culture and class and her own persona. It was when
Amy showed Sydney another poets writings, a collection of poets from different
cultures across the globe that Sydney learned of culture, and built compassion
for her own slab of poems. Sydney was left bruised and broken of spirit and
mind. As the inspiration of her family and friends could not quiet the echoing
past of her traumatic car accident, she hoped to go home and reconcile what was
left of herself.
Gregg's
hopes and dreams emerged with his work as a broker and he feared for the growth
of the country, and its job force epidemic and pressures of the economy. He
found passing time at concert or a sports game occasionally and would roll his
own cigarettes no filtered. Gregg and Sydney met Amy at a restaurant along Michigan
Ave. across from Grant Park and Amy was juxtaposed with the new law for
Catholic Hospitals involving abortion, the Obama plan, and the irony set her
ablaze in a harmonious rant. Later on the "L" Amy talked about books
she read, and got off 5 stops before Wrigleyville to dance at a salsa club.
Amy
reminded Sydney of her long term relationship with a man, as she separated
herself the relationship between Gregg and Amy. She felt a resilience and a new
kind of fear for the man she once knew, as she imagined insightfully putting
herself in their shoes. She was off by a long shot but she accepted the concept
that a little goes a long way, and found a mountain or two of escape from
herself in Gregg and Amy's elegance and grace with one another.
Sydney
felt cushion in the relationship of Carney and Amy. She could finally calm the
torment and noise of rattled and raw emotions she restrained deep inside. She
hoped that each had and the past of memories that brought them together. Even
if it were only for a poetry reading and a cup of Joe, it meant a world of
warmth and tenderness to finally live for someone else. She felt well to see
that the freak show she was once in with an older man wasn't so frightening
after all when she met Carney and Amy. Although it wasn't the easiest thing it
was the right thing for her at that place and time.
After
the summer blues festival in Grant Park, Gregg and Sydney passed by Wrigley
Field to catch a glimpse of Pink Floyd, within the stadiums haze Roger Waters
strum strong cords on his electric guitar with an all too familiar tune of
patriotic heroism and honor through justifying melodies of The Wall album.
Gregg bought one ticket from a scalper with smeared red lipstick, a ratty wig,
and fish nets kissed Sydney on the face and ran into the concert at the first
strum of the amplified guitar riffs.
The
music blared loud over all of Wrigleyville's sizzling streets of Pink Floyd
fans, and residents sat on their nearby roof tops waving their arms in the air
to the robust and aggressive sounds of We Don't Need No Education, and Mother.
The moment was timeless for Carney somewhere inside the crowded stadium and he
was appreciative to get a ticket at the last minute. Sydney was exhausted from
the blues fest and headed in the other direction but did stand outside the
stadium for the first hour of the music performance. It brought her back to
childhood memories when her and her sister would play Roger Waters over their
large woofers in their bedroom after high school in 1995.
Chapter 6
The
thousands of steps after experienced of trauma from a car accident are
unfathomable and yet unforgettable. They talked over coffee about their work,
learned of each other’s car accident. laughed, and shared poetry and short
stories that Sidney wrote. The stories were mostly about romance, and euphoria.
She remained relaxed and cool most of the time while job searching and spending
time with Gregg. While Sydney was away out of town for work or to visit her
family, she wrote him another letter to Gregg. He knew she used herself in the
second person through her letters as a code to him that she was under great
distress about either the economy, the country, or natural disasters around the
globe.
Dear
Carney,
It
was 6pm Thursday just hours before Friday would be welcoming a quiet weekend.
The late evening brings on the summary of the days events, things said and
done. The radio was off all day, and Harold’s laundry was finally complete. He
had folded the last sock before the sun began to set. Chicago was charming and
the next few hours with Hannah were particularly unpredictable.
Hannah
made her last phone call to her priority phone list, and began to doze off to
the sound of Harold’s pacing footsteps and chatty worries about his worries of
his health. Normally he was a easy going athlete until about a month ago when
he came back from a ten day vacation from China. Being in the large city of
Beijing, and returning to his studio and cubicle brought on no surprise to the
acute vertigo and anxiety his doctor diagnosed.
There
was no computer, no television, not a ounce of media for eight hours in an
empty office space with a few long trips to the storage space several blocks
down Addison Street. It was utter chaos to turn a world upside down in just a
few hours. But even Harold could handle smoothing out the wreckage of
understaffed companies with his...courage and confidence!
Later,
Sydney
It
was another summer coming to an end when Sydney heard Gregg yell in the street
his poem with Sydney his neighbor, and Amy his ex girlfriend after an art
festival they went to: "The Stars Come Crashing Down from the Sky into the
Streets", whenever we meet," he exclaimed one day outside. There was
another poem where he signified "the glistening streets," on a piece
of scrap paper he bunched up from another poem he wrote and read usually on a
day of sun shine and down time between apartment showings.
Andrea
his neighbor was an artist and often assisted Gregg on apartment showings. She
visited Vegas during the summer and was attended art classes down town in the
Loop. The winters were very cold and the summers were terribly hot in Chicago.
Yet the city was coaxed by the valiant and patriotic air shows where the wars
of the world’s best historical air craft were displayed across the sky for
every Chicago eye to gaze on. Sydney wrote letters to Gregg while she was out
of town during seasonal work as a banquet server. He didn't care much for her
letters which were vague rambles that he never finished reading due to the
vagueness of their content.
Dear
Gregg,
The
whole year getting to bed early has been a very good thing. Yesterday I came
home late and went to bed around 12am. I felt tired on the train. The late
night shift workers were all on the train and looked pretty exhausted also. I
hid my head between the seat and the window and went to sleep. It reminded me
of when I would go to bed late in the past and take the train.
Last
night was another one of those late trips home. I don't bother anymore fighting
to prevent these things from happening like letting the day slip away when work
is slow and the bank account is empty. When taking risks at this point in life
is the only way. Holding on to the cold dark winter night before it breaks you
in two is not what I have in mind.
I
felt the soreness burning in my back. The stress from the shift of problems
with no fast resolve in mind has inspired me to start a writers group. Coming
home late has never been better. Just like clockwork, another cash loan,
another early train ride stretched to midnight, and an unpracticed and
unplanned opportunity again. Another risk. Risk after risk. How far do you take
such a road?
The
next day comes and it feels just right in all the right moments: 7 hours of sleep,
a shower, a smile in the morning instead of the unrelaxed frown that comes from
a choice of reasons. The perfect breakfast, cup of coffee, and a hot shower.
Sitting waiting was the most uncomfortable part during the job interview. The
whole store in front of you: A job applicant who just read the most important
questions and prayer for wisdom.
The
interview was too much something. What was it? Could it have been the pressure
of first impressions, a loss for words, or too many words? The end of the day after
all the clammer of ideas is soothed with some television and bogging the urge
of unrest pangs the night. What else is there to do but wait on the Lord. There
is the treadmill, a letter to write, State of the Union to watch, or to
continue the risks of job scouring on the web.
Sydney
Chapter 7
Often
Sidney would observe and learn from her counterpart of trauma, and they both
often picked each other up in hard times of emotional and physical struggles
from a car accident that changed her life. When Gregg was having a bad day she
would drive him to the video store to rent his favorite movie while waiting in
the car as he went in to pick it out. She wanted to see him succeed in his
talent and originality just as he hoped her to keep her authenticity and
creativity.
One
time she brought Gregg a hot piece of baked pumpkin pie over their usual cup of
coffee on a day he was terrified by a stranger sleeping on his couch. The
peculiar man sent him a frightening text about coming back, and Sydney told
reassured him that she would make sure he could call her to come by if the
stranger came back, since Gregg often fell asleep before locking his studio
apartment.
Sydney
found delight in hanging out with Gregg and searching out apartments for rent.
Sidney did too much in one day as anyone else exhausting herself into oblivion.
Gregg kept her focused and helped her to see that the small fires of every day
were not difficult to put out as he stepped over each one with once foot calm
and nicely like when she thought Arnold her boyfriend was cheating on her with
a co-worker and for weeks was mortifies and humiliated by their long distance
and stone walling of one another, Gregg would coax Sydney and reassure her that
everything was going to be fine.
Greggs
fantastic stories about the ridiculous cab drivers and landlords of Chicago
were wildly entertaining for Sidney and that’s what she liked about Gregg his
firm yet nice nature. She liked his company and ability to wonder, share her
dreams, and learn about someone else face to face in a world where there’s no
time for making time to share what’s on your mind.
Fatigued,
Gregg spent hours on the phone with landlords, tenants, and renters. It was a
fast and competitive business. Five years into the business Gregg picked up the
business within two years successfully, and developed strong relationships. It
was the one Friday a month Gregg's friend Derek and him played Monopoly and
Sydney joined in a couple times during the hot summer months. Gregg put gas in
her tank to drive to Derek’s and pick up pizza.
Sydney
didn't feel comfortable taking the generous offers like these from Gregg or
anyone but most of the time she had no choice and learned to be more humble and
thankful over time. Sometimes they'd order pizza and other times it was deli
sandwiches. One day Gregg gave Sydney money for lunch and left her while he
browsed through movies in his favorite video store. She felt uneasy and
irritated being left alone unaware he would not be joining her for lunch. She
then tucked her large Greek salad in her bag and placed in neatly in the back
seat of her car as Gregg came back and she kept it to herself how she felt
about the money he owed her that he paid back. She felt bad to take it because
she didn't know where the line was with friends and money loaning and paying
back.
Dear
Gregg,
Today
after five years of independently living in Chicago I've come across an article
in the newspaper about a young woman’s experience living alone in the city,
working, meeting people, joining clubs, and the differences of the life she was
used to growing up in the suburbs. I was liberated to read this article as
memories of making friends out of strangers, choosing places to eat, live, work
was in abundance.
I
was yet relieved when no one asked me for rides, to borrow books, clothes, or
would just walk right into my house the way it used to be in the suburbs. The
woman mentioned that in the city these things happened much less.
Sydney
Gregg's
worst days were when tenants wouldn't call back about their application
process. The frustration grew worse when other tenants would call to look at
the apartment that was pending for another renter; usually the renter would
wouldn't call him or take his calls after getting the paperwork settled. Often
times this pattern was unbeatable and Gregg's interested renters had to wait or
move on to another broker. By the time he would get to the background checks
some renters would already have moved on to other brokers or landlords offering
lower rent costs. This was often the pressure points of being a broker.
The
winters were frigid in Chicago. Long walks in below zero temperatures and
finding apartments was unpleasant. There wasn't much of a choice. Survival of
the fittest. The blizzard of 2010 was fierce and large over the windy city.
While we stride and stroll we need to rock and roll as well to get into the
workforce. An education will bring the journey for you to your knees. The
mountains of job applications from the galaxies of employers that orbit your
mind need to come home or you will be swept into The Black Hole of
unemployment. The class structure brings a team together to get used to team
work. The teacher shows us the future boss similarities. The deck of cards are
in your hands. The song House of Cards by Radio Head inspired me to write that
last sentence. Don't let your dreams be swept away, since many of them are
forgotten along the way, they will still live in you somehow.
While compliments will come for you at the right time and place, and frankness will move you into a more productive day, it is an education that will be inside you and ready to reach for what you need to get you where you need to go to feed your ideas, goals, dreams, and hopes.
Acknowledging and thanking those people in your life along the way will always be there so it'll never be too late for that. We are strong willed people and an education will break us in the right places while God watches. Books are a good source, people, and places yet only you can drink as you are led to the water.
While compliments will come for you at the right time and place, and frankness will move you into a more productive day, it is an education that will be inside you and ready to reach for what you need to get you where you need to go to feed your ideas, goals, dreams, and hopes.
Acknowledging and thanking those people in your life along the way will always be there so it'll never be too late for that. We are strong willed people and an education will break us in the right places while God watches. Books are a good source, people, and places yet only you can drink as you are led to the water.
